How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)

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One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

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Women and Sex: Why Do We Become Insecure After Giving It Up?

Ladies: there’s something important you need to know about women and sex.

Women and Sex

Flickr: This is a sad song Author: Beercha

You had it all together the entire time you were dating. You were witty, confident and interesting.

He was really digging you too.

But then that day came when you gave into your physical desires and had sex with him.

After that, things seemed to change.

You started to feel like the pursuer. You started to wonder if he really liked you. You started to wonder if he’d call or text you.

You started to feel insecure. You lost your confidence in yourself. You got a little more clingy. And eventually the whole thing fizzled out.

Why does this happen to women after sex?

There’s actually a biological explanation: a hormone called oxytocin. It’s a hormone that helps people form a bond after having sex. It’s designed to make us want long term relationships with each other. Both men and women have it.

Women with high levels of oxytocin become more emotional about a guy after sex with him, but unfortunately that doesn’t always happen to the guy–especially if he has lower levels of oxytocin and high levels of testosterone.

To summarize…

The oxytocin that is released after sex weakens your defenses and makes you feel more attached to the guy you’re dating, even if he’s not all that.

This is why having a Friends With Benefits (FWB) relationship usually isn’t the best idea for a woman. You are developing feelings at each encounter while he is staying right where he was when you first met.

Women and sex and oxytocin. It’s a formula for disaster if you don’t really know the guy and most of all if you don’t understand yourself.  If you change your mind you can change your love life for the better.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.