Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

Are You Looking for Male Approval?

What’s one of the top reasons women settle for friends with benefits relationships?

Because a lot of women are constantly seeking male approval. Why is that though? Let’s talk about it.

Her Story
A woman who feels a strong need to please men commonly has one of two stories — either she did not have a father in her life at all, or had a father who did not show her how to love and receive love from a man in the proper way.

A woman who grows up without a father often feels a strong need to go above and beyond to keep a man, any man, in her life. She’s afraid of him leaving her the way that her father left. So she seeks his approval of who she is as a woman.

On the other hand, a woman who had a majorly flawed father in her life learns how to protect and make excuses for “bad” men even when they aren’t behaving or treating her right. It’s another form of seeking their approval as a woman who will “ride” for her man no matter what.

How many of us can admit to having one of these stories, which led us to actively seek male approval and validation in our lives?

*Raising my hand.*

Once we admit to having this story we can move past it and catch ourselves when we’re doing it. I no longer need the approval of a man, or ANYONE for that matter.

I only need my OWN approval and validation. That and God’s stamp of approval of course.

A man is an addition to your already full and complete life, he doesn’t define who you are.

Can you admit to yourself that you are constantly looking for male approval in your life? Maybe it’s time to start seeking your OWN love and approval before any one else’s.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Any Woman Can Have a Relationship, But Is It Respect-Filled and Rewarding?

I wrote my guide Let Him Chase YOU specifically for women who want respect-filled relationships with men. When it comes right down to it, mutual respect is what matters the most for a healthy relationship with a man, right?

– A man who respects you won’t put his hands on you except in a loving embrace

– A man who respects you will think twice before cheating on you

– A man who respects you will encourage your dreams

– A man who respects you will treat you how you want to be treated and listen to what you have to say

To be honest, it isn’t hard at all to have a relationship with a man if you’re willing to settle for someone who will disrespect you constantly. There are loads of unemployed, unfaithful, disrespectful guys out there ready and waiting for a beautiful, thoughtful, employed woman with her own place to take them in! They’ll even marry you (but you have to buy the ring of course).

The problem is that that kind of relationship turns into hell for a woman FAST.

So that is why I specifically talk about having a respect-filled relationship with a man. Respect is crucial if you desire a healthy long lasting union that may eventually lead to lifetime partnership or marriage.

Question for You
Take a look back at your last two ended relationships. Can you honestly beyond a shadow of a doubt say that the guy had the utmost respect for you as a woman and as a partner? Or was he just using you / biding his time?

Did you respect him?

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Who Pays on a First Date?

If you’re a woman who answered anything other than “the asker” or “the guy” I must ask why?

Why do you feel obligated to chip in or pay for a first date, especially if the guy asked?

Are you allowing the classic non-courteous male response “well, you all wanted equality!” to cloud your judgment, again I ask why?

The proper courtesy when someone asks you out on a date is for the asker to pay. That applies in the reverse of course, if you were eager enough to ask a guy out on a date (not recommended), you should be prepared to at least pay for half of the bill. The courteous thing for him to do in that situation, if he is seriously interested in you, is to decline your offer to pay and cover the bill.

The Dance
So why should the man pay for the first date? Because this is a part of the dance of starting a healthy relationship between a man and a woman. As I explain in my book Let Him Chase YOU, men are naturally the pursuers, the chasers, the “hunters” and are ultimately expected to provide for their families. Decent men see women as prizes, instead of expecting women to chase after them, so they have no problem treating a woman out to dinner in the courting phase.

Of course, as the relationship progresses, the woman should offer to treat her awesome man out to dinner or dancing once in a while. He has proven that he’s a guy she wants in her life, who can provide, who is thoughtful, who respects her womanhood and who enjoys taking care of her, so why wouldn’t she want to take care of him as well?

Think about it, it’s all very simple.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)

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One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Conquering Your Fears in Life and in Relationships

I recently faced one of my biggest fears head on — deep water.

Though I can swim and have been able to swim for years now, I’ve still had a fear of wading on the deep side of the pool where I couldn’t feel the floor with my feet.

This stems from a childhood experience where I almost drowned. I spent at least 5 minutes flailing, drinking water and wondering why I couldn’t feel the ground under my feet. Someone had to save me. I was afraid of water for a long time after that.

Well, I finally decided that this would be the moment when I finally ventured to the 7 foot end of the pool. I had a couple of issues, but all in all it turned out to not be as scary as I thought it would be. I now swim like a fish.

Conquering Relationship Fears
There comes a time in your life when you MUST face your fears head on in order to move forward.

This is especially true when it comes to love and relationships. Some of us live in constant fear of rejection, of being hurt, of being used and also of being alone.

Conquering those fears are key to moving to the next level: love. The more we live in worry and anxiety, the less room there is for calm, peaceful love experiences.

Identify and face your relationship fear head on. Regardless of the result, smile and be thankful because YOU DID IT. And chances are, it won’t be as bad as you thought.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Listening to Your Intuition: When It Isn’t Quite Right, You Know

You know how sometimes you get a feeling that what you’re about to do is an exercise in futility? Or just that it is the wrong move? Even when it seems that it is your only option?

There’s a weird, almost queasy feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach and of course that gentle voice is telling you “don’t bother” “don’t do it” or “just wait.”

I had this feeling and experience recently. I wanted to buy a gift of a Nutribullet for someone, and needed it urgently. Against my better judgment I went to Walmart’s online store and tried their “site to store same day pickup” option. They held my $$ but to make a long story short, there was no same day pickup as promised. Nor next day. Same day somehow turned into 15 days, even though they had the thing in stock. Walmart’s customer service was completely unhelpful. No logic was involved. I had to cancel the order and figure something else out.

Flustered and inconvenienced, I decided I would just go into a Walmart near me to buy the thing a second time. I was about to again give my money to the same company that had just jerked me around. Right before hitting the highway, that feeling came over me: it said, “this is not the right way, just wait.” I resisted at first, because I really wanted to give this gift, but then I suddenly just turned my car around and went home.

On my way to the giftee’s house I passed a Target store. I made it across four lanes of traffic to get off the exit (thanks to the kindness of a pickup truck driver), because I knew this would be the solution. And it was — they had the Nutribullet for the same price as Walmart. The clerks were very kind and helpful. Long story short, I was able to give my gift exactly as planned.

Listen to That Voice!
The point of this little story is to express the importance of listening to that feeling and that voice that tells you to stop, chill or relax. This voice speaks to you loudly when you’re in or starting a relationship that’s just not right.

Why waste time and energy, years or even months, with someone who you know deep down isn’t for you? Someone who treats you badly or ignores your needs?

Establishing a SUCCESSFUL relationship should not be a rush to the finish line. It is more of a healthy jog with the one you’re getting to know. When you jog together you have time to figure out if you actually like the person and get cues from your intuition on whether or not to keep going.

I know countless people who rushed into relationships with people who they secretly can’t stand. (Similar to how I was about to rush into yet another transaction with a company that I don’t particularly like.) Who has the time, energy or patience for all of that?

Listen to your intuition–sometimes if you wait, you relax, you stop and review the situation, you’ll find that something better is right around the corner.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.