Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

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“Lucky to be Here”… Is This Your Mentality When Dating Men? (VH1 Couples Therapy)

I caught a bit of an episode of Couples Therapy on VH1 and the therapist made a comment that I think a lot of heterosexual women can relate to when dating or in relationships. She brought up the fact that some women accommodate men, even when it isn’t reciprocated, because they have a “lucky to be here” mentality.

Lucky to be here. What does that mean?

It basically means that the woman thinks that the man is the prize to be won over, pleased, supported and accommodated.

The media, our families and our peers have conditioned us to desperately seek the love and attention of a man. We’re told that we have to go out there and find a man or else there’s something wrong with us.

Because of this coaxing and pressure, a lot of women have developed the mentality that they’re lucky to be in the presence of a guy, even when he’s farrrrr from a catch.

On the VH1 Couples Therapy show a woman hangs on by strings to a rapper. He has told her to her face multiple times that she is not really his girlfriend and that he has other women. She still clings to him like Saran Wrap on a counter top! It is clear that in this “relationship,” which could be called a friends with benefits, she honestly believes that he is the prize and that she is so lucky to be with him. So lucky to be with a man who berates her in front of other people on TV and won’t claim her as his girlfriend even on a show called “Couples Therapy.”

When a woman has this mentality about a man, she has pretty much relinquished all of her power in the relationship. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and she’ll just accept it. A good man would just leave her alone. A bad man will use her up first and them leave her alone, worse off than before. If she continues in this manner eventually he is going to drop her cold for someone else who has a much better self-image and she will be hurt, wondering what happened.

“But I was such a good woman to him!” is what a “lucky to be here” woman who gets dumped will usually say. Doesn’t matter.

Do you have a “lucky to be here” mentality when you find yourself involved with a new guy? If so, ask yourself this serious question: what is this person adding to your life that would make you so lucky to be with him other than his presence? Now compare that to the list of things that you as a woman are giving him.

Who’s really lucky to be in the relationship?

Think it over.
Love Lynn

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Feeling Alone: When You’re All You’ve Got, That’s More Than Enough

One of the most difficult yet powerful experiences you can have is finding yourself in a position where the only person on this earth you can count on or call on is YOU.

I went through this experience after losing someone who was very near and dear to me. It was extremely difficult to go from talking to this friend every day to not talking at all.

What hurt even more was when my phone went completely silent and I didn’t hear from anyone for weeks at a time. Now THAT is an eye opening experience.

But even in the midst of the disappointment and loneliness, somehow I knew that it was an important learning experience. It was something I had to go through. I constantly heard that little voice within tell me that it was going to be okay; that I needed to go through this to prove to myself that I could make it on my own. That I had to stop relying on the support or approval of others to get by in life. That all I had to do was trust in God — even if no one on this earth is there for me, God is with me always.

It took some time but I slowly picked myself up and pushed forward. Even though I felt as if I was crumbling inside each day, I went to work at a new job where no one knew me. I smiled (even when I wanted to cry) and eventually became one of the best workers there. I kept pushing on.

I listened to motivational speakers, like Les Brown and Napoleon Hill who told me that I am in total control of my destiny. That my own negative thoughts and beliefs were what was holding me back from happiness.

Slowly but surely I started to become myself again until I finally pulled myself completely out of that dark place. I started back on my path even more refreshed and motivated then ever. And I did it all on my own! That is so powerful.

If you’re going through a similar experience where you feel completely alone and like you’re all you’ve got in this world, this may just be an important lesson — a lesson that if learned could empower you throughout your life.

Even if you feel like you’re all you’ve got in the world, you’ve got to convince yourself that you’re enough. You don’t need someone else to come to your rescue — step up, take responsibility for your life and SAVE YOURSELF !

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Whoever Said Words Can Never Hurt… Lied !

From the time we were kids we were taught the saying:

“Sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt me”

I don’t know who came up with that saying, maybe someone with good intentions who was trying to help, but it’s a lie nonetheless.

Words hurt. They can cut DEEP and leave scars that don’t always heal with time.

How else can you explain someone who is 40 years old and still hurt about being teased or shunned in high school? How else do you explain a person living a limited, unhappy life just because someone told them they wouldn’t amount to anything?

A number of recent events in my own life have shown me the true power of words, how they can really hurt and how they can sit on a person’s soul for years and years — sometimes even a lifetime.

When someone tells a child that “sticks and stones” line they’re assuming that the child is strong enough to resist the ugliness of those words. Not all children are — some children are fragile and don’t have high self-esteem. They need more training and more encouragement at home to be able to prevent internalizing those hurtful words for years into the future.

A Better Saying…
I think the better saying would be that words may hurt you, but you shouldn’t let them DEFINE you.

You can’t deny that when someone says something hurtful to you, it stings. But the strength is in taking that insult in the proper context and then REJECTING it completely.

This is the proper context: people who try to hurt you with their words are reflecting their own hurt out into the world. The way they choose to deal with their own pain is to try to make someone else feel worse. They get a fleeting satisfaction from that (keyword: fleeting).

It’s up to each one of us to recognize this so that we can better let those ugly utterances bounce right off of us like jello, knowing that it has no basis in reality. Its real basis is in anger, emotional pain and confusion.

So let’s repeat this new affirmation to ourselves and to the young people in our lives: words might hurt you, but you can’t let them DEFINE you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

7 Reasons Why It’s Better to be SINGLE than in a Friends with Benefits Hookup

I originally wrote this list for my guide (Let Him Chase YOU), but decided it would be best for the blog:

7 Reasons Why It’s Better to be Single than in a FWB Hookup

1. You might not be the only one he’s creeping with. Do you really want to maintain a sex-only relationship with someone who may be promiscuous and having sex with other people?

2. The potential for unwanted pregnancies and STDs is high. Is it worth risking your life or lifestyle for someone who doesn’t have any real ties to you?

3. You leave yourself open to an actual relationship with a guy when you’re single.

4. You don’t have to experience the anxiety of waiting for a text message that may or may not come (which is probably just a booty call request).

5. You can rest peacefully and well throughout the night, every night, without being rudely awakened at 340 am, then having to debate with yourself about whether you should fix yourself up and run across town for a booty call.

6. You don’t have to listen to your FWB dump his problems on your lap, in the same way that he uses you for sexual relief. Especially is his “problem” is another woman he wants to be with.

7. You have more time on your hands to clear your head then pursue your interests, passions and business ideas when you’re single.

 

 


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Why Do Good Girls Finish Last & Bad Girls Get the Guy?

 

One of the top searched questions that I see are from women who want to know why good girls finish last while bad girls always seem to get the guys.

The answer is really simple: good girls tend to live life fearfully while “bad” girls tend to live life fearlessly.

If you were a guy, which type of woman would you want to be with?

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

a) a woman who has low self-esteem who is constantly questioning herself and her worth, listening to what everyone tells her to do instead of living in her truth

or

b) a woman who doesn’t care what others thing about her decisions, who is confident, bold and demands what she wants from life? Oh, and she’s sexy.

Flip that around if it’s hard to grasp — swap out woman for man. Which type of guy would you want to date?

Men Want Bold, Beautiful Women — Even if They’re a Little “Trashy” or Mean
It might go against all sense and logic that you’ve been taught, but most men will choose a “trashy,” mean, overtly sexual woman who is bold and confident over a woman who is conservative and afraid to be herself every day of the week.

(By the way, who said these women were “bad” in the first place? The same people who keep you living in fear of judgment every day of your life. Think about that.)

This is not to say that you should become a “bad girl” or start stripping for a living.

It’s actually great news, because you can be a good woman who is confident, bold and extremely attractive to men. You can have one up on those so-called “bad” girls, many of whom may one day regret a lot of their decisions.

You don’t have to slide down a pole for a living in order to attract men. You just have to :

1) unconditionally LOVE who you are

2) Have unbending CONFIDENCE in who you are as a woman

3) STOP depending on the opinions of others and FOCUS on your own needs

4) BE BOLD about pursuing what you want in life

5) SPEAK UP for yourself

You must be a no-nonsense type of woman who gets exactly what she wants from life if you want to be irresistible to men.

It may take a little time to get there after so much brainwashing and negative self-talk, so best to get started today.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Self-Love and Feeling Like You Don’t Matter (Written in Memory of Gia Allemand)

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“She always had a big heart for everybody, but not for herself.”

An episode of Dr. Phil caught my attention. His guest was Donna Micheletti, the mother of Gia Allemand, the young woman who cut her own life short because she was unhappy about relationships.

Something her lovely mother said in the beginning of the show caught my attention. She said of her deceased daughter, “She always had a big heart for everybody, but not for herself.”

This is a very tragic case that demonstrates the importance of SELF-love. How can a person have and show so much love for everyone else in her life, but not for her own self?

What makes everyone else worthy of love and not yourself?

I believe that it partially stems from childhood issues and is then exasperated by adult issues.

What Gia’s mother said struck me because I have been there. Feelings of being unworthy, unloved and unimportant. For me I believe it stemmed from being ignored and teased as a child and also being taught that as a girl I should always put the needs of others before my own. Mothers unconsciously teach this to their girls all of the time.

In Gia’s case her mother confirmed that her father’s abandonment was the source of her despair and feelings of being unwanted.

What to Do?
If you can admit that you have similar feelings of being useless, unloved and unimportant, the first step is identifying where this came from.

That person who told you that was LYING. They were miserable or STUCK themselves, so they took it out on you instead of resolving their own personal issues.

Once you are clear on the source of these dangerous thoughts swimming around in your head, the next step is SHOUTING THEM DOWN whenever they talk to you. They whisper in your ear ever so gently like a snake. When they start up, say it out loud if need be: YOU LIE! YOU ARE A LIAR!

You DO matter. You are loved and you are loveable. I don’t even know you but I love you, that’s why I’m writing this to you, so there you go!

You DO have a purpose here in this world, and that’s why you’re still here.

I Understand
I know what you’re going through — not very long ago I was curled up in a ball in my bed, in the dark, covers over my head, completely alone, with my cellphone turned off, for months, wondering why I even existed.

If I hadn’t come out of that, I wouldn’t be here right now, reaching you with words of love and upliftment. I wouldn’t have had the inspiration to write two new books and revive my business. My life is better simply because my thoughts are better. I have a purpose and so do you, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.

When people unfortunately cut their lives short they do a great disservice to the entire universe because they don’t get a chance to live out that purpose. Don’t let those negative thought patterns take control over your life. You’re special and you’re meant to be here.

That alone is enough to justify loving every bit of who you are — a being perfectly crafted by God.

Start shouting down those thoughts of being unloved, unworthy, ugly or unimportant right now, don’t waste another moment.

I Love You
Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.