Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

Feeling Alone: When You’re All You’ve Got, That’s More Than Enough

One of the most difficult yet powerful experiences you can have is finding yourself in a position where the only person on this earth you can count on or call on is YOU.

I went through this experience after losing someone who was very near and dear to me. It was extremely difficult to go from talking to this friend every day to not talking at all.

What hurt even more was when my phone went completely silent and I didn’t hear from anyone for weeks at a time. Now THAT is an eye opening experience.

But even in the midst of the disappointment and loneliness, somehow I knew that it was an important learning experience. It was something I had to go through. I constantly heard that little voice within tell me that it was going to be okay; that I needed to go through this to prove to myself that I could make it on my own. That I had to stop relying on the support or approval of others to get by in life. That all I had to do was trust in God — even if no one on this earth is there for me, God is with me always.

It took some time but I slowly picked myself up and pushed forward. Even though I felt as if I was crumbling inside each day, I went to work at a new job where no one knew me. I smiled (even when I wanted to cry) and eventually became one of the best workers there. I kept pushing on.

I listened to motivational speakers, like Les Brown and Napoleon Hill who told me that I am in total control of my destiny. That my own negative thoughts and beliefs were what was holding me back from happiness.

Slowly but surely I started to become myself again until I finally pulled myself completely out of that dark place. I started back on my path even more refreshed and motivated then ever. And I did it all on my own! That is so powerful.

If you’re going through a similar experience where you feel completely alone and like you’re all you’ve got in this world, this may just be an important lesson — a lesson that if learned could empower you throughout your life.

Even if you feel like you’re all you’ve got in the world, you’ve got to convince yourself that you’re enough. You don’t need someone else to come to your rescue — step up, take responsibility for your life and SAVE YOURSELF !

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Promoting HIM But Not Your Own Dreams and Goals

Oftentimes I see women and girls on Twitter promoting a new male artist, friend or associate. It’s to the point where they tweet or post about the guy every day, encouraging people to check out his song, book or other project.

On the other hand, I very rarely see men promoting women who are artists, authors, movers and shakers.

Why do women have a tendency to be so supportive of their male counterparts even when they don’t get anything in return?

The answer is that a lot of women have an overwhelming need for acceptance by men (and other people period). We think that by promoting a guy he will come to love you or respect you more for it.

The truth is that most guys will do no such thing. They will use women as work horses to do their bidding, and if they do come up, those same women will be left behind in the dust. The most these women get in the end is a pat on the head and a “gee thanks.”

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t throw your support behind another person who you really believe in. But when you’re doing this day in and day out for a man who you are not even married to OR related to, I think you should be clear about WHY you’re doing it. If you’re married, his come up is your come up. If not, his come up is HIS come up — no matter what he says in the present day.

Time Is Invaluable – Use It Wisely
When a woman spends all of her time promoting a man, but doesn’t spend any time improving herself and promoting her own projects, she’s allowing invaluable time to tick by. Her goals and dreams are important too!

I once dated a guy who had the mentality that I was his main supporter, but didn’t care about my dreams. He didn’t even know what they were! It was almost as if he thought of me like his assistant or secretary — not a human being with goals of my own. I finally woke up and realized I was being used. I told him to stop calling me about his get rich quick schemes. Of course he didn’t like that… oh well!

Support should be reciprocal and balanced. Whenever it’s heavily one-sided it’s just not natural and someone is going to be left feeling hurt and used. Keep that in mind the next time you’re thinking about retweeting some guy’s project for the 10th time while neglecting your own personal goals, dreams and projects!

Love Lynn

Are You Looking for Male Approval?

What’s one of the top reasons women settle for friends with benefits relationships?

Because a lot of women are constantly seeking male approval. Why is that though? Let’s talk about it.

Her Story
A woman who feels a strong need to please men commonly has one of two stories — either she did not have a father in her life at all, or had a father who did not show her how to love and receive love from a man in the proper way.

A woman who grows up without a father often feels a strong need to go above and beyond to keep a man, any man, in her life. She’s afraid of him leaving her the way that her father left. So she seeks his approval of who she is as a woman.

On the other hand, a woman who had a majorly flawed father in her life learns how to protect and make excuses for “bad” men even when they aren’t behaving or treating her right. It’s another form of seeking their approval as a woman who will “ride” for her man no matter what.

How many of us can admit to having one of these stories, which led us to actively seek male approval and validation in our lives?

*Raising my hand.*

Once we admit to having this story we can move past it and catch ourselves when we’re doing it. I no longer need the approval of a man, or ANYONE for that matter.

I only need my OWN approval and validation. That and God’s stamp of approval of course.

A man is an addition to your already full and complete life, he doesn’t define who you are.

Can you admit to yourself that you are constantly looking for male approval in your life? Maybe it’s time to start seeking your OWN love and approval before any one else’s.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Whoever Said Words Can Never Hurt… Lied !

From the time we were kids we were taught the saying:

“Sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt me”

I don’t know who came up with that saying, maybe someone with good intentions who was trying to help, but it’s a lie nonetheless.

Words hurt. They can cut DEEP and leave scars that don’t always heal with time.

How else can you explain someone who is 40 years old and still hurt about being teased or shunned in high school? How else do you explain a person living a limited, unhappy life just because someone told them they wouldn’t amount to anything?

A number of recent events in my own life have shown me the true power of words, how they can really hurt and how they can sit on a person’s soul for years and years — sometimes even a lifetime.

When someone tells a child that “sticks and stones” line they’re assuming that the child is strong enough to resist the ugliness of those words. Not all children are — some children are fragile and don’t have high self-esteem. They need more training and more encouragement at home to be able to prevent internalizing those hurtful words for years into the future.

A Better Saying…
I think the better saying would be that words may hurt you, but you shouldn’t let them DEFINE you.

You can’t deny that when someone says something hurtful to you, it stings. But the strength is in taking that insult in the proper context and then REJECTING it completely.

This is the proper context: people who try to hurt you with their words are reflecting their own hurt out into the world. The way they choose to deal with their own pain is to try to make someone else feel worse. They get a fleeting satisfaction from that (keyword: fleeting).

It’s up to each one of us to recognize this so that we can better let those ugly utterances bounce right off of us like jello, knowing that it has no basis in reality. Its real basis is in anger, emotional pain and confusion.

So let’s repeat this new affirmation to ourselves and to the young people in our lives: words might hurt you, but you can’t let them DEFINE you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

—–

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Any Woman Can Have a Relationship, But Is It Respect-Filled and Rewarding?

I wrote my guide Let Him Chase YOU specifically for women who want respect-filled relationships with men. When it comes right down to it, mutual respect is what matters the most for a healthy relationship with a man, right?

– A man who respects you won’t put his hands on you except in a loving embrace

– A man who respects you will think twice before cheating on you

– A man who respects you will encourage your dreams

– A man who respects you will treat you how you want to be treated and listen to what you have to say

To be honest, it isn’t hard at all to have a relationship with a man if you’re willing to settle for someone who will disrespect you constantly. There are loads of unemployed, unfaithful, disrespectful guys out there ready and waiting for a beautiful, thoughtful, employed woman with her own place to take them in! They’ll even marry you (but you have to buy the ring of course).

The problem is that that kind of relationship turns into hell for a woman FAST.

So that is why I specifically talk about having a respect-filled relationship with a man. Respect is crucial if you desire a healthy long lasting union that may eventually lead to lifetime partnership or marriage.

Question for You
Take a look back at your last two ended relationships. Can you honestly beyond a shadow of a doubt say that the guy had the utmost respect for you as a woman and as a partner? Or was he just using you / biding his time?

Did you respect him?

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.