New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

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The Fear of Ending Up Alone Leads to Bad Choices in Men

When you let the fear of being alone control your dating choices, you tend to rush into situations with guys who you know aren’t right for you.

Fear of being alone makes you move an unemployed grown adult man who has a questionable history and multiple children he doesn’t support into your house.

Fear of being alone makes you call a guy who slept with you and then didn’t call you for weeks to ask for some more mistreatment.

Some women are so afraid of ending up alone with loads of cats as friends that they compromise their self- respect, dignity and common sense just to be with someone.

You know what’s ironic? This type of woman still usually ends up alone in the end after a divorce, being abused, being dumped or experiencing another setback.

Here is the question that all of us ladies must ask ourselves at some point in our lives.

Would I rather be patiently single and have my dignity intact as I grow into my full womanhood, allowing the right people to enter my life

or

Be in a series of unhappy situations with men throughout life that leave me feeling used up and unfulfilled? Oh yea, and possibly still alone or even *worse* stuck with someone who makes me absolutely miserable?

All because of fear…

When we operate in fear we make really bad choices in men and in life.

So what are the steps to overcome this often debilitating fear that some of us women have about being alone?

1) recognize that you are living in fear
2) spell out the worst case scenario that you’re fearing (like being a cat lady)
3) realize that even if that were to happen, it’s not the end of the world!
4) release the fear and start LIVING your life free and bold with a clear head!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

If You Really Want to Be Married, You Can Be, But…

I’ve touched on this point in the past, but I wanted to expand on it. I watched a new show last night called Blood Sweat and Tears on Bravo that inspired these thoughts. In it, one of the women met a 40+ year old man who had been living with his girlfriend for 20 years (I think you might call that a common law marriage, right?) When the cast member found out about it, she was hurt, but shortly after that she moved him into her beautiful NYC apartment.

(Somehow I get the feeling that the 20 year girlfriend wasn’t too distraught about him finally moving out.)

I won’t judge the cast member, because that is her choice, but I will use this as an example of my point that any woman who really wants to get married or have a relationship can do so quite easily.

When you’re willing to drop your standards for the sake of a relationship, you’ll find that there are plenty of bums guys who will want a wife to take care of them (and move into her place) because they haven’t been able to take care of themselves in life.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

But is that really what you want for your own life? Someone else to take care of just so that you can say you were married?

So this is why I say that any woman who really wants to be married can be married. Happily married, not so much.

Always Married, Always Divorced
Have you ever known a woman who always seems to be getting married? She gets out of one bad marriage and six months later she’s engaged again?

9 times out of 10 it’s because she is one of those women who hasn’t set many standards when it comes to men. Getting married and having a man is all that matters to her in life. She will become ANY man’s wife — even if he doesn’t have a job, mistreats her, is abusive or has another woman on the side. And she will chase him.

There are plenty of men out there who would LOVE to marry a good woman with a job, her own place and plenty of food stocked in her fridge. Of course he needs a car to drive around (and gas money) so that he can impress other women and his friends. Basically, he doesn’t have to do anything but exist!

The question is, are YOU as a woman going to be happy in that type of arrangement?

A relationship — especially a marriage — should be reciprocal.

Rocks vs Gems
In my book Let Him Chase YOU, I talk about the difference between “rocks” (men that will hurt you) and “gems” (men that nourish your soul). Let’s just say that there seems to be a high rock-to-gem ratio in some places.

Because of this, women of standards may spend a lot of time single compared to women who have thrown standards out of the window, but you have to ask yourself a few serious questions:

Is having a man in your life at all times more important than maintaining your dignity and self respect as a woman?

Is it worthwhile getting married to a man who you know deep down you’ll probably divorce one day? A man who you’ll have to support throughout your marriage and maybe even after (men get alimony too)?

I don’t think any woman really wants this, but I do understand why some women fall into this trap. I get it — it’s hard navigating this world alone sometimes, but it’s even harder doing it with someone who could make your life more challenging than it needs to be.

Love Lynn

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Whoever Said Words Can Never Hurt… Lied !

From the time we were kids we were taught the saying:

“Sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt me”

I don’t know who came up with that saying, maybe someone with good intentions who was trying to help, but it’s a lie nonetheless.

Words hurt. They can cut DEEP and leave scars that don’t always heal with time.

How else can you explain someone who is 40 years old and still hurt about being teased or shunned in high school? How else do you explain a person living a limited, unhappy life just because someone told them they wouldn’t amount to anything?

A number of recent events in my own life have shown me the true power of words, how they can really hurt and how they can sit on a person’s soul for years and years — sometimes even a lifetime.

When someone tells a child that “sticks and stones” line they’re assuming that the child is strong enough to resist the ugliness of those words. Not all children are — some children are fragile and don’t have high self-esteem. They need more training and more encouragement at home to be able to prevent internalizing those hurtful words for years into the future.

A Better Saying…
I think the better saying would be that words may hurt you, but you shouldn’t let them DEFINE you.

You can’t deny that when someone says something hurtful to you, it stings. But the strength is in taking that insult in the proper context and then REJECTING it completely.

This is the proper context: people who try to hurt you with their words are reflecting their own hurt out into the world. The way they choose to deal with their own pain is to try to make someone else feel worse. They get a fleeting satisfaction from that (keyword: fleeting).

It’s up to each one of us to recognize this so that we can better let those ugly utterances bounce right off of us like jello, knowing that it has no basis in reality. Its real basis is in anger, emotional pain and confusion.

So let’s repeat this new affirmation to ourselves and to the young people in our lives: words might hurt you, but you can’t let them DEFINE you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Any Woman Can Have a Relationship, But Is It Respect-Filled and Rewarding?

I wrote my guide Let Him Chase YOU specifically for women who want respect-filled relationships with men. When it comes right down to it, mutual respect is what matters the most for a healthy relationship with a man, right?

– A man who respects you won’t put his hands on you except in a loving embrace

– A man who respects you will think twice before cheating on you

– A man who respects you will encourage your dreams

– A man who respects you will treat you how you want to be treated and listen to what you have to say

To be honest, it isn’t hard at all to have a relationship with a man if you’re willing to settle for someone who will disrespect you constantly. There are loads of unemployed, unfaithful, disrespectful guys out there ready and waiting for a beautiful, thoughtful, employed woman with her own place to take them in! They’ll even marry you (but you have to buy the ring of course).

The problem is that that kind of relationship turns into hell for a woman FAST.

So that is why I specifically talk about having a respect-filled relationship with a man. Respect is crucial if you desire a healthy long lasting union that may eventually lead to lifetime partnership or marriage.

Question for You
Take a look back at your last two ended relationships. Can you honestly beyond a shadow of a doubt say that the guy had the utmost respect for you as a woman and as a partner? Or was he just using you / biding his time?

Did you respect him?

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

7 Reasons Why It’s Better to be SINGLE than in a Friends with Benefits Hookup

I originally wrote this list for my guide (Let Him Chase YOU), but decided it would be best for the blog:

7 Reasons Why It’s Better to be Single than in a FWB Hookup

1. You might not be the only one he’s creeping with. Do you really want to maintain a sex-only relationship with someone who may be promiscuous and having sex with other people?

2. The potential for unwanted pregnancies and STDs is high. Is it worth risking your life or lifestyle for someone who doesn’t have any real ties to you?

3. You leave yourself open to an actual relationship with a guy when you’re single.

4. You don’t have to experience the anxiety of waiting for a text message that may or may not come (which is probably just a booty call request).

5. You can rest peacefully and well throughout the night, every night, without being rudely awakened at 340 am, then having to debate with yourself about whether you should fix yourself up and run across town for a booty call.

6. You don’t have to listen to your FWB dump his problems on your lap, in the same way that he uses you for sexual relief. Especially is his “problem” is another woman he wants to be with.

7. You have more time on your hands to clear your head then pursue your interests, passions and business ideas when you’re single.

 

 


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

If Having a Serious Boyfriend is Your Definite Chief Aim, Say So

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Some women think that they will scare a man away if they express that they are interested in a serious relationship.

So instead of being clear about their desires, they pander to what they think the guy will want. They’ll say “I just want a friend with benefits” even though the truth is that they really really want a BOYFRIEND. So what do they usually get? A friends with benefits and eventually a lot of hurt feelings.

Here’s a newsflash: most guys want a confident woman who isn’t afraid to express her needs and desires. Most of them know that you are lying when you tell them that you don’t want a boyfriend. But they go along with it for the time being because you make it easy.

One more newsflash: a lot of guys actually want a girlfriend! They want the security of having a loyal woman by their side. Assuming all of the other priorities line up (good looking, sexy, supportive yet not afraid to voice her opinions, confident and someone they like to be around) they will most likely want you as a girlfriend. But if you can’t even be bold enough to tell him what you really want from the beginning, what does that say about your future with him?

A guy told me something once that I didn’t take seriously until recently. He said that women could have pretty much anything they wanted if they went after it.

I don’t take that to mean she should chase after a guy, but that she should be committed to getting EXACTLY what she wants from a man. In other words, if you really want to have a boyfriend, you have to hold to that goal steadfastly. Demand what you want and it will come to you. If he isn’t willing or able to give you what you demand out of the relationship, find that out early so that you will not waste any more of your time than necessary.

One thing to keep in mind is this: whenever you compromise your own needs, wants, desires or dreams for the same of someone else, you are heading in the wrong direction. Get back on track starting today.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.