Promoting HIM But Not Your Own Dreams and Goals

Oftentimes I see women and girls on Twitter promoting a new male artist, friend or associate. It’s to the point where they tweet or post about the guy every day, encouraging people to check out his song, book or other project.

On the other hand, I very rarely see men promoting women who are artists, authors, movers and shakers.

Why do women have a tendency to be so supportive of their male counterparts even when they don’t get anything in return?

The answer is that a lot of women have an overwhelming need for acceptance by men (and other people period). We think that by promoting a guy he will come to love you or respect you more for it.

The truth is that most guys will do no such thing. They will use women as work horses to do their bidding, and if they do come up, those same women will be left behind in the dust. The most these women get in the end is a pat on the head and a “gee thanks.”

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t throw your support behind another person who you really believe in. But when you’re doing this day in and day out for a man who you are not even married to OR related to, I think you should be clear about WHY you’re doing it. If you’re married, his come up is your come up. If not, his come up is HIS come up — no matter what he says in the present day.

Time Is Invaluable – Use It Wisely
When a woman spends all of her time promoting a man, but doesn’t spend any time improving herself and promoting her own projects, she’s allowing invaluable time to tick by. Her goals and dreams are important too!

I once dated a guy who had the mentality that I was his main supporter, but didn’t care about my dreams. He didn’t even know what they were! It was almost as if he thought of me like his assistant or secretary — not a human being with goals of my own. I finally woke up and realized I was being used. I told him to stop calling me about his get rich quick schemes. Of course he didn’t like that… oh well!

Support should be reciprocal and balanced. Whenever it’s heavily one-sided it’s just not natural and someone is going to be left feeling hurt and used. Keep that in mind the next time you’re thinking about retweeting some guy’s project for the 10th time while neglecting your own personal goals, dreams and projects!

Love Lynn

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Are You Looking for Male Approval?

What’s one of the top reasons women settle for friends with benefits relationships?

Because a lot of women are constantly seeking male approval. Why is that though? Let’s talk about it.

Her Story
A woman who feels a strong need to please men commonly has one of two stories — either she did not have a father in her life at all, or had a father who did not show her how to love and receive love from a man in the proper way.

A woman who grows up without a father often feels a strong need to go above and beyond to keep a man, any man, in her life. She’s afraid of him leaving her the way that her father left. So she seeks his approval of who she is as a woman.

On the other hand, a woman who had a majorly flawed father in her life learns how to protect and make excuses for “bad” men even when they aren’t behaving or treating her right. It’s another form of seeking their approval as a woman who will “ride” for her man no matter what.

How many of us can admit to having one of these stories, which led us to actively seek male approval and validation in our lives?

*Raising my hand.*

Once we admit to having this story we can move past it and catch ourselves when we’re doing it. I no longer need the approval of a man, or ANYONE for that matter.

I only need my OWN approval and validation. That and God’s stamp of approval of course.

A man is an addition to your already full and complete life, he doesn’t define who you are.

Can you admit to yourself that you are constantly looking for male approval in your life? Maybe it’s time to start seeking your OWN love and approval before any one else’s.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Fixated on One Man: What Makes Him So Special?

A lot of women become fixated on one man, usually way too early on in knowing him, and lose themselves in the idea of being with THAT ONE GUY.

Question for Women

A question for you: is he really all that special?

But you really have to step back from the situation and ask yourself: what makes that one guy so special? “Is he really all of that, or am I just idealizing him in my own mind?”

I love good men. I think they are fun to be around, funny, strong, attractive and interesting.

At the same time, it takes a lot now for me to consider a guy truly SPECIAL and worthy of all of my attentions. Until he proves himself otherwise, he is just another guy and there are plenty more where he came from — especially when you are an attractive and smart woman.

It is because of this changed mindset that I went from feeling completely alone and undesireable to having interesting men seemingly flock around me like hungry geese.

So ponder this question again: is there something special about the guy you are fixated on, or are you trying to hold onto him for dear life in FEAR of being alone? Thinking he’s your last hope?

When you change your mindset you’ll probably decide that in fact he is NOT that special. There are plenty more like him and probably even better guys who will want you back.

Each moment you continue to stay fixated on that one guy, you could be missing out on something really amazing.

But remember this wise axiom: insanity is doing the same thing time and again while expecting a different result…

When the new and better guy does come along you can’t make the same choices and mistakes you did with the other one.

Stay tuned to this blog to learn exactly how to avoid repeating history.

Love Lynn

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Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.