Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

Advertisements

New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

When He Says… Can I Have Your Number?

When he says: So can I have your number?

You say: No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.

If he starts to harass you about it, stalk you around the place or flips out and shows you his true colors (childish, insecure and emotionally unstable), you have just saved yourself a lot of trouble my dear!

If instead he politely thanks you for your conversation and calmly starts to walk away, you can then say.. “Hey, I was just kidding! I would love to connect!”

A simple way to quickly separate the rocks from the gems.

*** This goes without saying, but you should always be in a “safe space” when talking to someone new, whether it’s a crowded public place or a protected online account (don’t reveal personal information to someone you just started chatting with).

 

Stay tuned for more entries in the “When he says” series of posts.

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

When He Says… I Need a Woman to Support Me…


A series of off the cuff responses that you can keep handy when a “rock” (a guy who has the potential to hurt you real bad) tries to step his way into your life. Click and bookmark the tag “when he says” to save them all.

He says: “I need a woman who will ride for me not matter what (even if I cheat). I need a woman who will support me (while I look for a job). I need a woman who will help me take care of my responsibilities (including my child support payments).”

You say: “I’m still working on filling up my own cup of needs and at this point, I can’t spare a drop!”

Stay tuned for more entries in the “When he says” series of posts.

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

When He Suddenly Calls Out of the Blue, What Should I Do?

In my book Let Him Chase You I talk about ghosting, which is basically when a man suddenly stops contacting you for no apparent reason. I’ve experienced it. Plenty of women have experienced this frustrating situation — it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. The beat goes on.

But what happens when the guy suddenly calls or texts you again out of the blue, like months or even years later? What should you do?

I think deep down you already know the answer, but before I state it, just think about this scenario critically and logically (another strong suggestion I make in my book).

The guy disappeared. Most guys only disappear for one of two reasons:

1) He met someone else or is back with his ex
2) He’s just not that into you

In both of these cases, the guy didn’t think much of you as a person or care about your feelings. To him you’re like some basic “extra” playing a part in his movie called Life, where of course he plays the starring role.

So knowing this, when he texts you out of the blue to say “hey what’s up?” Do you really think it’s because he’s been thinking about you a lot and really missed you so much…

OR

he was dumped, is lonely or feeling horny and figures he’ll see if one of the women who he dissed in the past is desperate enough to give him attention and sexual favors today? He may have sent the same text to 10 other women, one after the other.

You really have to be careful of these ghosters who reappear out of the blue because they might have some really selfish motivation for contacting you all of a sudden. For instance, what if he contracted an STI and now he’s trolling for dates from anyone who will answer?

You know what to do when this guy texts you out of nowhere. Block and ignore. If you’ve experienced this a lot in your past it might even be a good idea to change your number and start fresh. That phone number transfer service has kept a lot of those “out of the blue” dudes in business!

Be careful, be smart, be strong, be logical and be selective. Remember YOU are the prize, and if he couldn’t see that and show you the proper respect the first time around, chances are that he’s just not the one for you.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU, which available at Audible.com and Amazon.com.

Promoting HIM But Not Your Own Dreams and Goals

Oftentimes I see women and girls on Twitter promoting a new male artist, friend or associate. It’s to the point where they tweet or post about the guy every day, encouraging people to check out his song, book or other project.

On the other hand, I very rarely see men promoting women who are artists, authors, movers and shakers.

Why do women have a tendency to be so supportive of their male counterparts even when they don’t get anything in return?

The answer is that a lot of women have an overwhelming need for acceptance by men (and other people period). We think that by promoting a guy he will come to love you or respect you more for it.

The truth is that most guys will do no such thing. They will use women as work horses to do their bidding, and if they do come up, those same women will be left behind in the dust. The most these women get in the end is a pat on the head and a “gee thanks.”

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t throw your support behind another person who you really believe in. But when you’re doing this day in and day out for a man who you are not even married to OR related to, I think you should be clear about WHY you’re doing it. If you’re married, his come up is your come up. If not, his come up is HIS come up — no matter what he says in the present day.

Time Is Invaluable – Use It Wisely
When a woman spends all of her time promoting a man, but doesn’t spend any time improving herself and promoting her own projects, she’s allowing invaluable time to tick by. Her goals and dreams are important too!

I once dated a guy who had the mentality that I was his main supporter, but didn’t care about my dreams. He didn’t even know what they were! It was almost as if he thought of me like his assistant or secretary — not a human being with goals of my own. I finally woke up and realized I was being used. I told him to stop calling me about his get rich quick schemes. Of course he didn’t like that… oh well!

Support should be reciprocal and balanced. Whenever it’s heavily one-sided it’s just not natural and someone is going to be left feeling hurt and used. Keep that in mind the next time you’re thinking about retweeting some guy’s project for the 10th time while neglecting your own personal goals, dreams and projects!

Love Lynn

Are You Looking for Male Approval?

What’s one of the top reasons women settle for friends with benefits relationships?

Because a lot of women are constantly seeking male approval. Why is that though? Let’s talk about it.

Her Story
A woman who feels a strong need to please men commonly has one of two stories — either she did not have a father in her life at all, or had a father who did not show her how to love and receive love from a man in the proper way.

A woman who grows up without a father often feels a strong need to go above and beyond to keep a man, any man, in her life. She’s afraid of him leaving her the way that her father left. So she seeks his approval of who she is as a woman.

On the other hand, a woman who had a majorly flawed father in her life learns how to protect and make excuses for “bad” men even when they aren’t behaving or treating her right. It’s another form of seeking their approval as a woman who will “ride” for her man no matter what.

How many of us can admit to having one of these stories, which led us to actively seek male approval and validation in our lives?

*Raising my hand.*

Once we admit to having this story we can move past it and catch ourselves when we’re doing it. I no longer need the approval of a man, or ANYONE for that matter.

I only need my OWN approval and validation. That and God’s stamp of approval of course.

A man is an addition to your already full and complete life, he doesn’t define who you are.

Can you admit to yourself that you are constantly looking for male approval in your life? Maybe it’s time to start seeking your OWN love and approval before any one else’s.

Love Lynn

 

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.