How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)

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One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

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Learn to Say NO, Even If It Might Hurt Someone’s Feelings

I was once faced with a tough decision regarding someone who I worked with. I made a commitment to perform a job, but matters arose that would make it impossible.

I spent nights not sleeping, worrying about how I would break the news to this person who was counting on me (and who I really like as a person by the way).

All in all, I was worried about how I would tell this person “no.” No, I can’t do it.

I finally did say no, and as hard as it may have been, was it really necessary to do all of that worrying in the meantime? How many hours did I waste worrying about something that was essentially out of my control?

Putting Your Needs First
Sometimes situations arise where you have to put your needs before the needs or wants of someone else. Keeping this in mind is ultra important when you are dating men.

A lot of us women are people-pleasers. We don’t want to hurt feelings or disappoint people.

So when a guy suggests that you have sex way too soon, or asks you to pick him up and drive him around, or asks you to perform some other inappropriate action, you are afraid to say no for fear of disappointing him or losing him.

That’s no way to conduct your dating life if you want to be taken seriously as a woman. If it isn’t right, you MUST say no even if it will displease the guy you’re dating.

What you’ll probably find is that the guy will respect you MORE when you stand up for yourself and say no.

Make a Decision and Stick With It
The next time you are faced with a decision about a guy (or just in life in general) give yourself some time to ponder what is the right choice.

Then, make a firm decision and stick to it. Do not waver and do not worry about what the other person will say or think if you must say NO.

Even if it might disappoint the other person, when you say no, ask yourself this question: How much would it disappoint, inconvenience or hurt YOU if you were to say yes?

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.