If You Really Want to Be Married, You Can Be, But…

I’ve touched on this point in the past, but I wanted to expand on it. I watched a new show last night called Blood Sweat and Tears on Bravo that inspired these thoughts. In it, one of the women met a 40+ year old man who had been living with his girlfriend for 20 years (I think you might call that a common law marriage, right?) When the cast member found out about it, she was hurt, but shortly after that she moved him into her beautiful NYC apartment.

(Somehow I get the feeling that the 20 year girlfriend wasn’t too distraught about him finally moving out.)

I won’t judge the cast member, because that is her choice, but I will use this as an example of my point that any woman who really wants to get married or have a relationship can do so quite easily.

When you’re willing to drop your standards for the sake of a relationship, you’ll find that there are plenty of bums guys who will want a wife to take care of them (and move into her place) because they haven’t been able to take care of themselves in life.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

But is that really what you want for your own life? Someone else to take care of just so that you can say you were married?

So this is why I say that any woman who really wants to be married can be married. Happily married, not so much.

Always Married, Always Divorced
Have you ever known a woman who always seems to be getting married? She gets out of one bad marriage and six months later she’s engaged again?

9 times out of 10 it’s because she is one of those women who hasn’t set many standards when it comes to men. Getting married and having a man is all that matters to her in life. She will become ANY man’s wife — even if he doesn’t have a job, mistreats her, is abusive or has another woman on the side. And she will chase him.

There are plenty of men out there who would LOVE to marry a good woman with a job, her own place and plenty of food stocked in her fridge. Of course he needs a car to drive around (and gas money) so that he can impress other women and his friends. Basically, he doesn’t have to do anything but exist!

The question is, are YOU as a woman going to be happy in that type of arrangement?

A relationship — especially a marriage — should be reciprocal.

Rocks vs Gems
In my book Let Him Chase YOU, I talk about the difference between “rocks” (men that will hurt you) and “gems” (men that nourish your soul). Let’s just say that there seems to be a high rock-to-gem ratio in some places.

Because of this, women of standards may spend a lot of time single compared to women who have thrown standards out of the window, but you have to ask yourself a few serious questions:

Is having a man in your life at all times more important than maintaining your dignity and self respect as a woman?

Is it worthwhile getting married to a man who you know deep down you’ll probably divorce one day? A man who you’ll have to support throughout your marriage and maybe even after (men get alimony too)?

I don’t think any woman really wants this, but I do understand why some women fall into this trap. I get it — it’s hard navigating this world alone sometimes, but it’s even harder doing it with someone who could make your life more challenging than it needs to be.

Love Lynn

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

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How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)

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One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Conquering Your Fears in Life and in Relationships

I recently faced one of my biggest fears head on — deep water.

Though I can swim and have been able to swim for years now, I’ve still had a fear of wading on the deep side of the pool where I couldn’t feel the floor with my feet.

This stems from a childhood experience where I almost drowned. I spent at least 5 minutes flailing, drinking water and wondering why I couldn’t feel the ground under my feet. Someone had to save me. I was afraid of water for a long time after that.

Well, I finally decided that this would be the moment when I finally ventured to the 7 foot end of the pool. I had a couple of issues, but all in all it turned out to not be as scary as I thought it would be. I now swim like a fish.

Conquering Relationship Fears
There comes a time in your life when you MUST face your fears head on in order to move forward.

This is especially true when it comes to love and relationships. Some of us live in constant fear of rejection, of being hurt, of being used and also of being alone.

Conquering those fears are key to moving to the next level: love. The more we live in worry and anxiety, the less room there is for calm, peaceful love experiences.

Identify and face your relationship fear head on. Regardless of the result, smile and be thankful because YOU DID IT. And chances are, it won’t be as bad as you thought.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Listening to Your Intuition: When It Isn’t Quite Right, You Know

You know how sometimes you get a feeling that what you’re about to do is an exercise in futility? Or just that it is the wrong move? Even when it seems that it is your only option?

There’s a weird, almost queasy feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach and of course that gentle voice is telling you “don’t bother” “don’t do it” or “just wait.”

I had this feeling and experience recently. I wanted to buy a gift of a Nutribullet for someone, and needed it urgently. Against my better judgment I went to Walmart’s online store and tried their “site to store same day pickup” option. They held my $$ but to make a long story short, there was no same day pickup as promised. Nor next day. Same day somehow turned into 15 days, even though they had the thing in stock. Walmart’s customer service was completely unhelpful. No logic was involved. I had to cancel the order and figure something else out.

Flustered and inconvenienced, I decided I would just go into a Walmart near me to buy the thing a second time. I was about to again give my money to the same company that had just jerked me around. Right before hitting the highway, that feeling came over me: it said, “this is not the right way, just wait.” I resisted at first, because I really wanted to give this gift, but then I suddenly just turned my car around and went home.

On my way to the giftee’s house I passed a Target store. I made it across four lanes of traffic to get off the exit (thanks to the kindness of a pickup truck driver), because I knew this would be the solution. And it was — they had the Nutribullet for the same price as Walmart. The clerks were very kind and helpful. Long story short, I was able to give my gift exactly as planned.

Listen to That Voice!
The point of this little story is to express the importance of listening to that feeling and that voice that tells you to stop, chill or relax. This voice speaks to you loudly when you’re in or starting a relationship that’s just not right.

Why waste time and energy, years or even months, with someone who you know deep down isn’t for you? Someone who treats you badly or ignores your needs?

Establishing a SUCCESSFUL relationship should not be a rush to the finish line. It is more of a healthy jog with the one you’re getting to know. When you jog together you have time to figure out if you actually like the person and get cues from your intuition on whether or not to keep going.

I know countless people who rushed into relationships with people who they secretly can’t stand. (Similar to how I was about to rush into yet another transaction with a company that I don’t particularly like.) Who has the time, energy or patience for all of that?

Listen to your intuition–sometimes if you wait, you relax, you stop and review the situation, you’ll find that something better is right around the corner.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.