Downsides of a Friends with Benefits Relationship

Maintaining a friends with benefits relationship may sound great in theory, but in practice it can be a lot more complicated!

If you’ve ever been in a relationship that can only be defined as a friends with benefits situation, you know that there are some downsides to this seemingly ideal arrangement.

Defining a Friends with Benefits Relationship

Some people start off on the wrong foot of a friends with benefits relationship because they don’t even realize that they are in one! They may have initially thought that things were going in a positive direction towards something more, but soon learn, sometimes too late, that the relationship isn’t going any further than it already has. Then it becomes more and more difficult to end things cleanly.

Let’s clarify the definition of a friends with benefits relationship: it is one where the two people have an understanding that they are absolutely not in a committed relationship. The sole purpose of the relationship is physical pleasure and occasional companionship.

As simple as that sounds, most FWB relationships don’t turn out well.

Feelings Get Involved on One Side

It is very rare that two people can date for a long, extended period of time without one side catching feelings for the other, especially since physical closeness is a part of a FWB relationship. This is the reason why friends with benefits relationships usually don’t last past a few months.

Once one person starts to show too much emotion, the other start trying to move on. Most of the time it is the female in a male-female FWB relationship that tends to become emotionally involved because of a chemical called oxytocin, but there are some cases where the female has the upper hand and will end a FWB relationship because she’s “just not that into him.”

Breaking it Off When You Find Someone New

When you have gotten yourself caught up in a friends with benefits situation, you have tied yourself to that person in a very serious way by sleeping together so often. So when you meet someone new who you actually might want to get serious with, it becomes difficult to break it off with the other friend. It’s especially hard when the other person seems to have developed some feelings for you.

This can create an awkward situation for everyone involved (including the new person) — there are almost certainly going to be some feelings that get hurt. That’s why if you’re looking for a serious relationship in the near future, it’s probably best to stay celibate instead of taking on a “buddy” as a fill in. Be patient and wait for that someone who you could actually see yourself mutually bonding with on more than just a physical level.

Guest Post by Jade

 

Learn more about FWB relationships and how to avoid them in the eBook Friends with Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women).

 

Signs that You Are in a Friends with Benefits (FWB) Relationship

Tips to determine if you’re in a friends with benefits situation.

Friends with benefits relationships can be complicated. Sometimes women find themselves in these arrangements but aren’t 100% sure of the guy’s intentions. Here are a few ways that you will know you are undoubtedly in a FWB situation, which is a temporary fling where the guy’s intentions are to simply have sex whenever he wants with “no strings.”

He’s Never Taken You Out to Eat

In most cases, a guy will only spend money on a woman for one of two reasons 1) he thinks it will increase his chances of getting her into bed later or 2) he wants to impress the girl and treat her like a lady so that she will take him seriously. If you have never seen a meal, period, yet you have been to the guy’s house for a movie, then 90% of the time you have placed yourself squarely in a friends with benefits situation.

Don’t believe what anyone else tells you — a man who never spends money on you and never takes you out in public is not interested in you for a serious relationship. Most men genuinely enjoy spending money on a woman that they really like. They want to show her a good time and put a smile on her face.

If he isn’t actively doing this with you, yet you guys have sex on a regular basis, it’s safe to assume that you are in a friends with benefits relationship.

You Only Hear from Him Via Text

Text messaging has effectively replaced those 30 second phone calls that you used to have with a guy who only wanted to tell you he was on his way. But a guy who is really serious about you will want to hear your voice from time to time on the phone.

A guy who only sends you a text message or two in between meetings is most likely using you as second option, or a backup option when his first choice doesn’t come through. So if you can’t remember the last time your guy called you, and you never had a discussion about being exclusive with each other, it’s probably safe to assume that you are in a friends with benefits situation.

You Only See Your Guy at Night

The final most telling sign that you are in a friends with benefits relationship is if you only see the guy at night time. If you frequently find yourself walking or driving to your guy’s house in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep, or if you are regularly woken from your sleep by a text message at 3 a.m. asking if he can “come by” then you are probably in a FWB situation. At 3 a.m., most men have exhausted all of their options and you are the “old faithful” they can count on for a romp in the bed.

These signs of being in an FWB relationship can also apply to guys. Women aren’t the only ones who sometimes find themselves entangled in a friends with benefits relationship that they don’t really want. If this isn’t the relationship that you intended, then you know what to do!

Guest post by: Jade

 

Learn more about FWB relationships and how to avoid them in the eBook Friends with Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women).

 

 

Women Take Breakups Harder But Get Over It Quicker Than Men – Why?

In my experience, women have a hard time dealing with breakups and ghostings (the guy disappears off the face of the earth unexpectedly) at FIRST but they tend to get over it and move on very quickly — even quicker than men.

Why is that? Well, I have a theory…

Women get over guys fairly quickly and very completely because a lot of women don’t have a rational reason why they even wanted to *be* with the guy in the first place. Once it’s finally over they wonder “what the heck did I even see in that guy?”

A lot of us women are so caught up in the idea of having a man (any man) in our lives that it makes us hone in on the first one that shows some attention and interest. A lot of women have bought into the idea that men are the “prizes” to be won over for relationships.

But what does the guy have going for himself that makes him worthy of your attention and time for a relationship?

Why Did I Date You Again?
What I find is that women go through a short period of feeling like crap after a breakup, but as soon as they go out with their girlfriends and meet another guy it’s like the “ex” never even existed.

If that can happen that quickly, he must not have been that special.

There’s a good lesson in this: maybe we should be more discriminating about the guys we choose to be with instead of just getting with the first guy who shows us some attention.

When you first start dating a guy, I think you should keep dating. Don’t shut out all of the other guys in the world just because you went out on a couple of dates with that one. Explore your options and observe the guys carefully to see which traits you do and don’t like. YOU are the prize and YOU do the choosing love. That’s the mentality you have to take on going forward.

Why waste years of your life with guys that you’ll probably forget easily?

When you keep your options open and your standards high there’s a better chance that you’ll come across a guy who is really special and at the very least will become a lifelong friend.

Because that’s what it’s all about right? Connecting with *special*, unforgettable people who make your life more exciting, fulfilling and wonderful.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Are You a “Me Too” Girl?

What’s a “me too” girl?

It’s a woman who goes along to get along instead of expressing her own singular thoughts and beliefs.

It might be a woman who goes right along with everything her friends or associates do and say.

That might be a woman who does everything that her family tells her to do.

That might also be a woman who goes along with everything a guy she’s dating or wants to date tells her.

A “me too” mentality is why many women end up in friends with benefits situations. They are too quick to go along with what a guy wants instead of being true to what they really want.

So when a guy says “I don’t want a real relationship.”

She says “me too.”

When he says he wants sex with no strings attached, she says “me too.”

Lies. With every “me too” you lose a little piece of yourself (maybe more).

Don’t be a me too girl. A woman who stands up and says what she believes, no matter what, is a powerful force to be reckoned with.

Love Lynn

Mike Epps & Terry Crews Confirm the Premise of my Book “Let Him Chase YOU”

I was fortunate to catch the beginning of the Bethenny show, a new talk show that comes on daytime TV.

She had comedian Mike Epps and actor Terry Crews on her couch discussing relationships and dating. Both of these family men confirmed a number of the points that I highlight in my relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU and my Amazon eBook Friends with Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women):

smileyheart– men prefer strong women who take control over their households

– men don’t like it when women chase them — they want to do the chasing

– men like to “earn” their ways into a woman’s heart (Terry likened an easy woman to getting a Super Bowl ring before the season even starts–nobody wants that)

Of course they don’t represent EVERY man, but I do believe they represent the views of MOST men.

Let a man be a man.

So bottom line, be yourself woman, stand up for yourself, love every inch of who you are (own it!) and live fearlessly.

As soon as I find a clip online, I will post it here.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Why Do Good Girls Finish Last & Bad Girls Get the Guy?

 

One of the top searched questions that I see are from women who want to know why good girls finish last while bad girls always seem to get the guys.

The answer is really simple: good girls tend to live life fearfully while “bad” girls tend to live life fearlessly.

If you were a guy, which type of woman would you want to be with?

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

a) a woman who has low self-esteem who is constantly questioning herself and her worth, listening to what everyone tells her to do instead of living in her truth

or

b) a woman who doesn’t care what others thing about her decisions, who is confident, bold and demands what she wants from life? Oh, and she’s sexy.

Flip that around if it’s hard to grasp — swap out woman for man. Which type of guy would you want to date?

Men Want Bold, Beautiful Women — Even if They’re a Little “Trashy” or Mean
It might go against all sense and logic that you’ve been taught, but most men will choose a “trashy,” mean, overtly sexual woman who is bold and confident over a woman who is conservative and afraid to be herself every day of the week.

(By the way, who said these women were “bad” in the first place? The same people who keep you living in fear of judgment every day of your life. Think about that.)

This is not to say that you should become a “bad girl” or start stripping for a living.

It’s actually great news, because you can be a good woman who is confident, bold and extremely attractive to men. You can have one up on those so-called “bad” girls, many of whom may one day regret a lot of their decisions.

You don’t have to slide down a pole for a living in order to attract men. You just have to :

1) unconditionally LOVE who you are

2) Have unbending CONFIDENCE in who you are as a woman

3) STOP depending on the opinions of others and FOCUS on your own needs

4) BE BOLD about pursuing what you want in life

5) SPEAK UP for yourself

You must be a no-nonsense type of woman who gets exactly what she wants from life if you want to be irresistible to men.

It may take a little time to get there after so much brainwashing and negative self-talk, so best to get started today.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

One Day I Woke Up & I Couldn’t Dance: Losing Your Mojo

Listen2

I distinctly remember a weird occurrence that first happened when I was about 17 years old.

I woke up one day and had lost my rhythm. No, seriously. I could not dance.

Before that day, I would go out with my friends and party all night long dancing up a storm. But for some reason on that day I went to a party and couldn’t find my rhythm.

My best friend noticed this and tried to get me to move better, encouraging me to swivel my hips or something. But it wouldn’t work. It was so strange because I never had that problem before!

This happened again to me later on in life, sometime after I graduated from college and was in the midst of a crisis.

I get it now — I had lost my mojo.

It’s very true that what’s going on in your mind can affect your body — after all, your body is CONTROLLED by your mind.

Losing Your Dating Mojo
There are times in your life when you feel like your dating game is “off.” I’ve been there before. More than likely, it’s because your thought life is off too.

Instead of focusing on your lack of a relationship with someone special, right now it’s time to instead focus on the other areas of your life.

What’s going on with you lady?

You have to get that fixed up before you can get your mojo back.

As for me, I got to the bottom of my issues. It was a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence that kept me sad and unfulfilled.

Nowadays, my mojo is back and I’m shaking my groove thing again, every chance I get.

What will it take to get you back to “yourself?”

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.