Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?


When He Says… I Need a Woman to Support Me…

A series of off the cuff responses that you can keep handy when a “rock” (a guy who has the potential to hurt you real bad) tries to step his way into your life. Click and bookmark the tag “when he says” to save them all.

He says: “I need a woman who will ride for me not matter what (even if I cheat). I need a woman who will support me (while I look for a job). I need a woman who will help me take care of my responsibilities (including my child support payments).”

You say: “I’m still working on filling up my own cup of needs and at this point, I can’t spare a drop!”

Stay tuned for more entries in the “When he says” series of posts.

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

When He Suddenly Calls Out of the Blue, What Should I Do?

In my book Let Him Chase You I talk about ghosting, which is basically when a man suddenly stops contacting you for no apparent reason. I’ve experienced it. Plenty of women have experienced this frustrating situation — it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. The beat goes on.

But what happens when the guy suddenly calls or texts you again out of the blue, like months or even years later? What should you do?

I think deep down you already know the answer, but before I state it, just think about this scenario critically and logically (another strong suggestion I make in my book).

The guy disappeared. Most guys only disappear for one of two reasons:

1) He met someone else or is back with his ex
2) He’s just not that into you

In both of these cases, the guy didn’t think much of you as a person or care about your feelings. To him you’re like some basic “extra” playing a part in his movie called Life, where of course he plays the starring role.

So knowing this, when he texts you out of the blue to say “hey what’s up?” Do you really think it’s because he’s been thinking about you a lot and really missed you so much…


he was dumped, is lonely or feeling horny and figures he’ll see if one of the women who he dissed in the past is desperate enough to give him attention and sexual favors today? He may have sent the same text to 10 other women, one after the other.

You really have to be careful of these ghosters who reappear out of the blue because they might have some really selfish motivation for contacting you all of a sudden. For instance, what if he contracted an STI and now he’s trolling for dates from anyone who will answer?

You know what to do when this guy texts you out of nowhere. Block and ignore. If you’ve experienced this a lot in your past it might even be a good idea to change your number and start fresh. That phone number transfer service has kept a lot of those “out of the blue” dudes in business!

Be careful, be smart, be strong, be logical and be selective. Remember YOU are the prize, and if he couldn’t see that and show you the proper respect the first time around, chances are that he’s just not the one for you.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU, which available at and

How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)


One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Conquering Your Fears in Life and in Relationships

I recently faced one of my biggest fears head on — deep water.

Though I can swim and have been able to swim for years now, I’ve still had a fear of wading on the deep side of the pool where I couldn’t feel the floor with my feet.

This stems from a childhood experience where I almost drowned. I spent at least 5 minutes flailing, drinking water and wondering why I couldn’t feel the ground under my feet. Someone had to save me. I was afraid of water for a long time after that.

Well, I finally decided that this would be the moment when I finally ventured to the 7 foot end of the pool. I had a couple of issues, but all in all it turned out to not be as scary as I thought it would be. I now swim like a fish.

Conquering Relationship Fears
There comes a time in your life when you MUST face your fears head on in order to move forward.

This is especially true when it comes to love and relationships. Some of us live in constant fear of rejection, of being hurt, of being used and also of being alone.

Conquering those fears are key to moving to the next level: love. The more we live in worry and anxiety, the less room there is for calm, peaceful love experiences.

Identify and face your relationship fear head on. Regardless of the result, smile and be thankful because YOU DID IT. And chances are, it won’t be as bad as you thought.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Fixated on One Man: What Makes Him So Special?

A lot of women become fixated on one man, usually way too early on in knowing him, and lose themselves in the idea of being with THAT ONE GUY.

Question for Women

A question for you: is he really all that special?

But you really have to step back from the situation and ask yourself: what makes that one guy so special? “Is he really all of that, or am I just idealizing him in my own mind?”

I love good men. I think they are fun to be around, funny, strong, attractive and interesting.

At the same time, it takes a lot now for me to consider a guy truly SPECIAL and worthy of all of my attentions. Until he proves himself otherwise, he is just another guy and there are plenty more where he came from — especially when you are an attractive and smart woman.

It is because of this changed mindset that I went from feeling completely alone and undesireable to having interesting men seemingly flock around me like hungry geese.

So ponder this question again: is there something special about the guy you are fixated on, or are you trying to hold onto him for dear life in FEAR of being alone? Thinking he’s your last hope?

When you change your mindset you’ll probably decide that in fact he is NOT that special. There are plenty more like him and probably even better guys who will want you back.

Each moment you continue to stay fixated on that one guy, you could be missing out on something really amazing.

But remember this wise axiom: insanity is doing the same thing time and again while expecting a different result…

When the new and better guy does come along you can’t make the same choices and mistakes you did with the other one.

Stay tuned to this blog to learn exactly how to avoid repeating history.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.