Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

Online Dating: 3 Signs He’s Only Out for Sex

Online dating sites are now one of the top places where people connect. Some guys are just on there looking for a great lady to get to know, but unfortunately there’s another type of guy — the one who is only out for sex. These guys scavenge dating sites sending dozens, maybe even hundreds of messages to women, who they hope will be up for the role of a “cheap thrill” as I explained in my book Let Him Chase You.

Here are three simple signs that a guy you’re chatting with online is only out for sex.

Mentions “Cuddling”
There is a keyword that every woman who uses online dating sites must remember. It is a red flag that the guy is on the hunt for easy sex. That word is “cuddling.” For instance, the guy will list his favorite activities: running, working out, playing pool, watching movies and… cuddling.

Cuddling is a code word for FWB — that’s what he wants (or a one night stand). If that’s not what you want, run in the opposite direction! Don’t waste your time.

Ages 18-80
In most dating profiles men and women are allowed to type in an age range for the person they are seeking. One clear indication that a guy on an online dating site is only out for sex is when his age range is set to women 18-80. This is just a discreet way to say he wants ANYONE with lady parts. He will take a girl just out of high school or a great great grandma — it doesn’t matter because sex is his chief aim. When you are looking for a special connection with someone you’ll generally want to meet someone in your general age range who you can talk to and relate with.

Asks You to Drinks Late at Night
Guys are smart, or at least they all think they are! They know how eager some women are to go out on a date. So a guy who only wants sex from you will usually ask you for a date that will quickly lead to that conclusion. When he asks you to have a drink with him at a late hour, generally after 9pm, he is probably trying to set you up for a one night stand. If you have a few drinks at that late hour, you are less and less likely to want to go home. So he will ask you to his place or a hotel. If a guy on an online dating site doesn’t want to meet with you earlier in the day, for lunch, dinner, or some other special date idea, there’s a good chance that all he wants is sex.

A guy who really wants to get to know you will chat with you for a while to get to know who you are as a person — as long as it takes. He’ll respect you enough not to use sexual innuendos in your early conversations. He’ll want someone who he can connect with on an emotional level–not just physical. He won’t have a problem taking you out for lunch or a nice dinner.

Conclusion: Keep tossing those rocks and make room in your life for a gem.

 

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Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU andthe new book Survive, Live or Thrive?

The Fear of Ending Up Alone Leads to Bad Choices in Men

When you let the fear of being alone control your dating choices, you tend to rush into situations with guys who you know aren’t right for you.

Fear of being alone makes you move an unemployed grown adult man who has a questionable history and multiple children he doesn’t support into your house.

Fear of being alone makes you call a guy who slept with you and then didn’t call you for weeks to ask for some more mistreatment.

Some women are so afraid of ending up alone with loads of cats as friends that they compromise their self- respect, dignity and common sense just to be with someone.

You know what’s ironic? This type of woman still usually ends up alone in the end after a divorce, being abused, being dumped or experiencing another setback.

Here is the question that all of us ladies must ask ourselves at some point in our lives.

Would I rather be patiently single and have my dignity intact as I grow into my full womanhood, allowing the right people to enter my life

or

Be in a series of unhappy situations with men throughout life that leave me feeling used up and unfulfilled? Oh yea, and possibly still alone or even *worse* stuck with someone who makes me absolutely miserable?

All because of fear…

When we operate in fear we make really bad choices in men and in life.

So what are the steps to overcome this often debilitating fear that some of us women have about being alone?

1) recognize that you are living in fear
2) spell out the worst case scenario that you’re fearing (like being a cat lady)
3) realize that even if that were to happen, it’s not the end of the world!
4) release the fear and start LIVING your life free and bold with a clear head!

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Break the Cycle for Better Love Relationships

Back when I was wound up, sad and depressed, my mind was a complete mess. I just couldn’t see a way out of my ongoing negative cycles. It was as if a cloud had settled over my brain. I continually made poor choices in men and my relations with them, never really considering that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.” I was perpetuating my own cycles. It wasn’t them — it was me. The problem was in the choices I was making.

Now that the storm clouds have moved on and I have finally broken that cycle, I am amazed at how much clearer things are to me. I can’t even understand what I ever saw in most of the guys I dated in the past. I simply wasn’t demanding the best for myself.

Desperation is an Ugly Emotion
The lack of clarity in the guys we sometimes choose to date is in part due to habit. But it’s also because of that ugly, ugly emotion: desperation.

Something inside nags at you, telling you this guy isn’t a good choice, but your desperation and fear of being alone causes you to wave it off…. “Just keep dating him and see where it goes…” Then the cycle begins again.

So we waste valuable hours, days and years of our lives focusing on guys who really aren’t worth the effort. Then when we eventually breakup or get dumped, depression settles in again, our self-esteem takes a hit and eventually you get with a guy who was just like the last one (or worse).

Breaking the Cycle
With my new clarity I value what’s good for ME over giving into my fears of being alone. I recognize the following:

– I have the power to attract a certain type of guy into my life.

– I am responsible for how I conduct my relationships with men.

– My personal well-being and sanity is more important than being in a relationship.

Are you still hung up over a breakup, caught up in the same bad cycle or feeling like your mind is clouded when it comes to relationships? Think about what you may have done wrong with each guy, such as having sex with him too soon or allowing him to walk all over you emotionally. What patterns can you identify that happened with each guy you dated? What was your role in it? Accept responsibility. Meditate on all of that.

To further break the cycle, mentally write down the qualities that you DO want in a man and from a relationship. For instance, “he values my womanhood, supports my dreams, is trustworthy and cares about my feelings.”

Keep these new affirmations in mind the next time you meet a new guy. Take note of any familiar patterns from the past.

This time break the cycle — LISTEN to your intuition.

Remember: “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.”

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

How Long to Wait Before Sex? (Questions from Women on Dating)

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One of the top searched dating questions that women have about men is “how long to wait before sex?”

I don’t believe in putting an exact timeline on the answer, because the truth is that it varies from couple to couple.

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

My answer is simple: the right time to have sex with someone who you are dating is when you two have developed a bond, and not a moment sooner.

Sex Doesn’t Create a Committed Relationship
Women often make the mistake of associating the act of sex with an emotional bond. They mistakenly believe that the moment they have sex it means that a relationship has now formed.

Not so.

A serious relationship forms when you have developed a bond with the other person. The bond could have developed because you have made it through a tough situation together. It could form through long meaningful talks about life and your dreams every night. It could form through exploring mutual interests and spending loads of time together.

In some cases the bond is marriage–there is nothing wrong with waiting until a man commits to marry you before having sex if that is what you are most comfortable with.

Sex is an act that is best reserved for two people who have formed a bond with each other.

Sex with an Acquaintance = FWB or Booty Calls
Going out on a couple of dates where you laugh at each others’ jokes a few times is not a bond. You’re still just getting to know each other. You’re just acquaintances at that point.

Sure, you can go ahead and have sex at that time, but don’t expect a relationship to somehow develop where there really is none. That’s when you find yourself in a friends with benefits relationship or being treated like a booty call at the guy’s whim.

So this is the best answer to how long to wait before sex. Take a look at your last few cases of getting “pumped and dumped” or thrown into the friends with benefits zone. Was the guy someone you formed a REAL bond with, or just an acquaintance?

Therein lies your answer.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Fixated on One Man: What Makes Him So Special?

A lot of women become fixated on one man, usually way too early on in knowing him, and lose themselves in the idea of being with THAT ONE GUY.

Question for Women

A question for you: is he really all that special?

But you really have to step back from the situation and ask yourself: what makes that one guy so special? “Is he really all of that, or am I just idealizing him in my own mind?”

I love good men. I think they are fun to be around, funny, strong, attractive and interesting.

At the same time, it takes a lot now for me to consider a guy truly SPECIAL and worthy of all of my attentions. Until he proves himself otherwise, he is just another guy and there are plenty more where he came from — especially when you are an attractive and smart woman.

It is because of this changed mindset that I went from feeling completely alone and undesireable to having interesting men seemingly flock around me like hungry geese.

So ponder this question again: is there something special about the guy you are fixated on, or are you trying to hold onto him for dear life in FEAR of being alone? Thinking he’s your last hope?

When you change your mindset you’ll probably decide that in fact he is NOT that special. There are plenty more like him and probably even better guys who will want you back.

Each moment you continue to stay fixated on that one guy, you could be missing out on something really amazing.

But remember this wise axiom: insanity is doing the same thing time and again while expecting a different result…

When the new and better guy does come along you can’t make the same choices and mistakes you did with the other one.

Stay tuned to this blog to learn exactly how to avoid repeating history.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.