Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?


So, What’s In This for Me? (Relationships with Men)

There’s one question that I believe all women of all ages need to ask themselves before they commit their time, heart, energy and body to a particular man:

“What’s in this for me?”

I think that the reason why a lot of women are unfulfilled in their relationships with men is that they don’t truly ask themselves this question before getting involved.

I was once in a glorified friends with benefits “relationship” in my twenties. Here is a short list of what I was doing for him:

– letting him borrow my car whenever he wanted (his was stolen and he used the money to put into his savings while putting wear and tear on my car)
– awesome sex (he was nearly 10 years older than me)
– supporting his dreams (he wanted to be a musician and an entrepreneur instead of pursuing his professional degree, and I supported him in that)
– acting like his unpaid secretary
– running errands for him
– paying my own way when we went out (which rarely happened) to be understanding of his financial situation
– listening to him go on and on about his dreams for hours

Now what was I getting?

– ummmmm, let me think about that some more…
– he was nice to look at, I guess?

Is it any wonder that when I finally did let him go, I barely cared. He wasn’t adding anything to my life.

No — it is not enough just to “have someone.” Ask a long time unhappily married woman or a woman stuck in a physically or mentally abusive relationship if that’s enough.

It’s Not Selfish, It’s Sensible
The kneejerk reaction that some men and eager-to-please women will have to a woman who has the “gaul” to ask the question “what’s in it for me?” is that she’s being selfish or thinking like a “whore.”

Whatever man. As a woman you deserve to get something meaningful out of every aspect of your life — including your relationship with a man. Be real with yourself about what it is that you REALLY want (some women fool themselves into thinking that sex is enough, but soon learn that it’s not).

We have different needs and desires than men do, and that’s okay. Get what you want.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

Women Take Breakups Harder But Get Over It Quicker Than Men – Why?

In my experience, women have a hard time dealing with breakups and ghostings (the guy disappears off the face of the earth unexpectedly) at FIRST but they tend to get over it and move on very quickly — even quicker than men.

Why is that? Well, I have a theory…

Women get over guys fairly quickly and very completely because a lot of women don’t have a rational reason why they even wanted to *be* with the guy in the first place. Once it’s finally over they wonder “what the heck did I even see in that guy?”

A lot of us women are so caught up in the idea of having a man (any man) in our lives that it makes us hone in on the first one that shows some attention and interest. A lot of women have bought into the idea that men are the “prizes” to be won over for relationships.

But what does the guy have going for himself that makes him worthy of your attention and time for a relationship?

Why Did I Date You Again?
What I find is that women go through a short period of feeling like crap after a breakup, but as soon as they go out with their girlfriends and meet another guy it’s like the “ex” never even existed.

If that can happen that quickly, he must not have been that special.

There’s a good lesson in this: maybe we should be more discriminating about the guys we choose to be with instead of just getting with the first guy who shows us some attention.

When you first start dating a guy, I think you should keep dating. Don’t shut out all of the other guys in the world just because you went out on a couple of dates with that one. Explore your options and observe the guys carefully to see which traits you do and don’t like. YOU are the prize and YOU do the choosing love. That’s the mentality you have to take on going forward.

Why waste years of your life with guys that you’ll probably forget easily?

When you keep your options open and your standards high there’s a better chance that you’ll come across a guy who is really special and at the very least will become a lifelong friend.

Because that’s what it’s all about right? Connecting with *special*, unforgettable people who make your life more exciting, fulfilling and wonderful.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

“Lucky to be Here”… Is This Your Mentality When Dating Men? (VH1 Couples Therapy)

I caught a bit of an episode of Couples Therapy on VH1 and the therapist made a comment that I think a lot of heterosexual women can relate to when dating or in relationships. She brought up the fact that some women accommodate men, even when it isn’t reciprocated, because they have a “lucky to be here” mentality.

Lucky to be here. What does that mean?

It basically means that the woman thinks that the man is the prize to be won over, pleased, supported and accommodated.

The media, our families and our peers have conditioned us to desperately seek the love and attention of a man. We’re told that we have to go out there and find a man or else there’s something wrong with us.

Because of this coaxing and pressure, a lot of women have developed the mentality that they’re lucky to be in the presence of a guy, even when he’s farrrrr from a catch.

On the VH1 Couples Therapy show a woman hangs on by strings to a rapper. He has told her to her face multiple times that she is not really his girlfriend and that he has other women. She still clings to him like Saran Wrap on a counter top! It is clear that in this “relationship,” which could be called a friends with benefits, she honestly believes that he is the prize and that she is so lucky to be with him. So lucky to be with a man who berates her in front of other people on TV and won’t claim her as his girlfriend even on a show called “Couples Therapy.”

When a woman has this mentality about a man, she has pretty much relinquished all of her power in the relationship. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and she’ll just accept it. A good man would just leave her alone. A bad man will use her up first and them leave her alone, worse off than before. If she continues in this manner eventually he is going to drop her cold for someone else who has a much better self-image and she will be hurt, wondering what happened.

“But I was such a good woman to him!” is what a “lucky to be here” woman who gets dumped will usually say. Doesn’t matter.

Do you have a “lucky to be here” mentality when you find yourself involved with a new guy? If so, ask yourself this serious question: what is this person adding to your life that would make you so lucky to be with him other than his presence? Now compare that to the list of things that you as a woman are giving him.

Who’s really lucky to be in the relationship?

Think it over.
Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Any Woman Can Have a Relationship, But Is It Respect-Filled and Rewarding?

I wrote my guide Let Him Chase YOU specifically for women who want respect-filled relationships with men. When it comes right down to it, mutual respect is what matters the most for a healthy relationship with a man, right?

– A man who respects you won’t put his hands on you except in a loving embrace

– A man who respects you will think twice before cheating on you

– A man who respects you will encourage your dreams

– A man who respects you will treat you how you want to be treated and listen to what you have to say

To be honest, it isn’t hard at all to have a relationship with a man if you’re willing to settle for someone who will disrespect you constantly. There are loads of unemployed, unfaithful, disrespectful guys out there ready and waiting for a beautiful, thoughtful, employed woman with her own place to take them in! They’ll even marry you (but you have to buy the ring of course).

The problem is that that kind of relationship turns into hell for a woman FAST.

So that is why I specifically talk about having a respect-filled relationship with a man. Respect is crucial if you desire a healthy long lasting union that may eventually lead to lifetime partnership or marriage.

Question for You
Take a look back at your last two ended relationships. Can you honestly beyond a shadow of a doubt say that the guy had the utmost respect for you as a woman and as a partner? Or was he just using you / biding his time?

Did you respect him?

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

No Strings Attached, What the Hell Is That?

Have you ever seen a dating ad where the guy says he wants “no strings attached.” What the hell does that mean anyway?

Everything in our life is connected by varying degrees of strings. Our bodies are held together by various types of “strings,” like tendons, our spine and our bones to keep us in an upright position. We have invisible “strings attached” to the people we’re related to (if you don’t believe that, why do your parents and siblings have such a strong influence on your life?)

You wouldn’t even be able to read this blog post if it weren’t for a ” string tethering your cellphone or laptop to keep it powered up.

When I see an ad that says “no strings attached” I think, what planet are you living on dude? There are always going to be strings attached when you relate with another person, whether you like it or not.

I believe that we’re all a part of One. We’ve just been socialized from birth to believe that we need to separate into different groups, ideologies and classes. We’re all connected, we just don’t know it. Yes that girl you only want a “no strings” relationship with is connected to you in some way, and the way that you treat her will come back to you just as sure as 1+1=2.

So if you are with a guy who insists on a no-strings attached relationship, hey you just might be with a crazy person — run! Quick! No seriously, drop what you’re holding and get the heck out of there!

“Strings” are what hold us all together as human beings and sustain us.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the “Big Sis” of dating advice and the author of a popular guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

73% of People in Relationships Are Settling

A survey of people in relationships revealed that 73% of paired people admit that they are just settling for the person they’re with.

They’re just biding their time. They’re just “making due.”

surprisedheartThat’s pretty sad.

To add to that, 17% of people meet their soul mate when it’s too late, because they were so eager to just be married for these reasons :

– pressure from friends and family
– wanting their partner’s money
– afraid of being alone
– want the dramatics and attention of a wedding

But they don’t achieve true happiness in their unions.

Soul mates Exist
On the same television show (The Couch) the guests talked about meeting your soul mate.

Soul mates are real. I know, because I met one of mine.

A soul mate is someone you have an undeniable connection with. You meet and NEITHER of you want to part. Nothing and no one can keep you apart. You don’t have to debate or wonder how to approach or “flirt” with that person because you’re going to run right into them in some way. You’re drawn together. You have the feeling that you’ve met that person before, almost as if you’ve known them forever.

Some believe that there are “soul groups” — people who when you find them you all connect in an unimaginable way and have an amazing life experience together, whether they’re friends, business partners or your romantic partner.

Back to That 73% Figure
Knowing these honest feelings from people in relationships, if you’re a single person do you really feel the need to rush into a relationship with someone who you know deep down you’ll just be settling for?

As I explain in my dating guide, Let Him Chase YOU, it’s important to limit your time with people who are in unfulfilling relationships when you are on a mission to find your true love. That’s because paired up people who are settling will:

a) make you feel bad about being alone
b) try to pair you up with someone who may not be right for you (so that you can settle too)
c) put you on a negative energy level that isn’t right for attracting your soul mate into your life

Do you believe your soul mate is out there and waiting to meet you? If you do, like I do, don’t block that person from entering your life by filling it with someone you’re just settling for.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.