Signs that You Are in a Friends with Benefits (FWB) Relationship

Tips to determine if you’re in a friends with benefits situation.

Friends with benefits relationships can be complicated. Sometimes women find themselves in these arrangements but aren’t 100% sure of the guy’s intentions. Here are a few ways that you will know you are undoubtedly in a FWB situation, which is a temporary fling where the guy’s intentions are to simply have sex whenever he wants with “no strings.”

He’s Never Taken You Out to Eat

In most cases, a guy will only spend money on a woman for one of two reasons 1) he thinks it will increase his chances of getting her into bed later or 2) he wants to impress the girl and treat her like a lady so that she will take him seriously. If you have never seen a meal, period, yet you have been to the guy’s house for a movie, then 90% of the time you have placed yourself squarely in a friends with benefits situation.

Don’t believe what anyone else tells you — a man who never spends money on you and never takes you out in public is not interested in you for a serious relationship. Most men genuinely enjoy spending money on a woman that they really like. They want to show her a good time and put a smile on her face.

If he isn’t actively doing this with you, yet you guys have sex on a regular basis, it’s safe to assume that you are in a friends with benefits relationship.

You Only Hear from Him Via Text

Text messaging has effectively replaced those 30 second phone calls that you used to have with a guy who only wanted to tell you he was on his way. But a guy who is really serious about you will want to hear your voice from time to time on the phone.

A guy who only sends you a text message or two in between meetings is most likely using you as second option, or a backup option when his first choice doesn’t come through. So if you can’t remember the last time your guy called you, and you never had a discussion about being exclusive with each other, it’s probably safe to assume that you are in a friends with benefits situation.

You Only See Your Guy at Night

The final most telling sign that you are in a friends with benefits relationship is if you only see the guy at night time. If you frequently find yourself walking or driving to your guy’s house in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep, or if you are regularly woken from your sleep by a text message at 3 a.m. asking if he can “come by” then you are probably in a FWB situation. At 3 a.m., most men have exhausted all of their options and you are the “old faithful” they can count on for a romp in the bed.

These signs of being in an FWB relationship can also apply to guys. Women aren’t the only ones who sometimes find themselves entangled in a friends with benefits relationship that they don’t really want. If this isn’t the relationship that you intended, then you know what to do!

Guest post by: Jade

 

Learn more about FWB relationships and how to avoid them in the eBook Friends with Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women).

 

 

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Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

When He Says… Can I Have Your Number?

When he says: So can I have your number?

You say: No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.

If he starts to harass you about it, stalk you around the place or flips out and shows you his true colors (childish, insecure and emotionally unstable), you have just saved yourself a lot of trouble my dear!

If instead he politely thanks you for your conversation and calmly starts to walk away, you can then say.. “Hey, I was just kidding! I would love to connect!”

A simple way to quickly separate the rocks from the gems.

*** This goes without saying, but you should always be in a “safe space” when talking to someone new, whether it’s a crowded public place or a protected online account (don’t reveal personal information to someone you just started chatting with).

 

Stay tuned for more entries in the “When he says” series of posts.

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

When He Says… I Need a Woman to Support Me…


A series of off the cuff responses that you can keep handy when a “rock” (a guy who has the potential to hurt you real bad) tries to step his way into your life. Click and bookmark the tag “when he says” to save them all.

He says: “I need a woman who will ride for me not matter what (even if I cheat). I need a woman who will support me (while I look for a job). I need a woman who will help me take care of my responsibilities (including my child support payments).”

You say: “I’m still working on filling up my own cup of needs and at this point, I can’t spare a drop!”

Stay tuned for more entries in the “When he says” series of posts.

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

“Lucky to be Here”… Is This Your Mentality When Dating Men? (VH1 Couples Therapy)

I caught a bit of an episode of Couples Therapy on VH1 and the therapist made a comment that I think a lot of heterosexual women can relate to when dating or in relationships. She brought up the fact that some women accommodate men, even when it isn’t reciprocated, because they have a “lucky to be here” mentality.

Lucky to be here. What does that mean?

It basically means that the woman thinks that the man is the prize to be won over, pleased, supported and accommodated.

The media, our families and our peers have conditioned us to desperately seek the love and attention of a man. We’re told that we have to go out there and find a man or else there’s something wrong with us.

Because of this coaxing and pressure, a lot of women have developed the mentality that they’re lucky to be in the presence of a guy, even when he’s farrrrr from a catch.

On the VH1 Couples Therapy show a woman hangs on by strings to a rapper. He has told her to her face multiple times that she is not really his girlfriend and that he has other women. She still clings to him like Saran Wrap on a counter top! It is clear that in this “relationship,” which could be called a friends with benefits, she honestly believes that he is the prize and that she is so lucky to be with him. So lucky to be with a man who berates her in front of other people on TV and won’t claim her as his girlfriend even on a show called “Couples Therapy.”

When a woman has this mentality about a man, she has pretty much relinquished all of her power in the relationship. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and she’ll just accept it. A good man would just leave her alone. A bad man will use her up first and them leave her alone, worse off than before. If she continues in this manner eventually he is going to drop her cold for someone else who has a much better self-image and she will be hurt, wondering what happened.

“But I was such a good woman to him!” is what a “lucky to be here” woman who gets dumped will usually say. Doesn’t matter.

Do you have a “lucky to be here” mentality when you find yourself involved with a new guy? If so, ask yourself this serious question: what is this person adding to your life that would make you so lucky to be with him other than his presence? Now compare that to the list of things that you as a woman are giving him.

Who’s really lucky to be in the relationship?

Think it over.
Love Lynn

—–

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

When He Suddenly Calls Out of the Blue, What Should I Do?

In my book Let Him Chase You I talk about ghosting, which is basically when a man suddenly stops contacting you for no apparent reason. I’ve experienced it. Plenty of women have experienced this frustrating situation — it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. The beat goes on.

But what happens when the guy suddenly calls or texts you again out of the blue, like months or even years later? What should you do?

I think deep down you already know the answer, but before I state it, just think about this scenario critically and logically (another strong suggestion I make in my book).

The guy disappeared. Most guys only disappear for one of two reasons:

1) He met someone else or is back with his ex
2) He’s just not that into you

In both of these cases, the guy didn’t think much of you as a person or care about your feelings. To him you’re like some basic “extra” playing a part in his movie called Life, where of course he plays the starring role.

So knowing this, when he texts you out of the blue to say “hey what’s up?” Do you really think it’s because he’s been thinking about you a lot and really missed you so much…

OR

he was dumped, is lonely or feeling horny and figures he’ll see if one of the women who he dissed in the past is desperate enough to give him attention and sexual favors today? He may have sent the same text to 10 other women, one after the other.

You really have to be careful of these ghosters who reappear out of the blue because they might have some really selfish motivation for contacting you all of a sudden. For instance, what if he contracted an STI and now he’s trolling for dates from anyone who will answer?

You know what to do when this guy texts you out of nowhere. Block and ignore. If you’ve experienced this a lot in your past it might even be a good idea to change your number and start fresh. That phone number transfer service has kept a lot of those “out of the blue” dudes in business!

Be careful, be smart, be strong, be logical and be selective. Remember YOU are the prize, and if he couldn’t see that and show you the proper respect the first time around, chances are that he’s just not the one for you.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU, which available at Audible.com and Amazon.com.