Be All That YOU Can Be – Not What You Think a Man Wants You to Be

When I browse social media sites and come across young women in social settings, I often notice that it seems as if they’re trying too hard to be something that they’re obviously not.

A “bad b-word”
A hot girl
A bad girl
A tough girl
A sex symbol

Many of them are trying to emulate their favorite celebrities, but in most cases they’re doing it for one main reason: because they think boys will like it.

They take photos of themselves posing in uncomfortable ways to try to look sexy, wear tons of makeup, poke their lips out to try to look more sexy and use language that would make a sailor cringe.

And some of them do get the attention that they seek from boys and men… but it’s only temporary. As time goes on these girls are left in a tailspin of broken promises, broken “relationships” and broken hearts.

Why? Because they’re not being their authentic themselves — they’re trying to be someone else.

Boys and Men Are Confused Too
It’s not just girls who are confused about their identity — a lot of men and boys are also unsure of who they are and what they really want out of life. They think they want a woman who behaves or looks a certain way, but as soon as they have that, they want something totally different.

That’s why as a young woman you shouldn’t be taking cues from men, or anyone else for that matter, on how to conduct yourself and live your life. You can’t live for other people because you’ll never be able to relax — you’ll be adjusting and changing yourself constantly to fit what they want.

Tough But Important Questions
Do you feel as if the person you’re presenting to the world isn’t the true essence of who you are? Do you feel uncomfortable in your own skin? It takes a big person to admit this.

If the answer is yes, the next question is, so who are you? Start on the path to answering that question so that one day soon you can be all that you can be… on YOUR own terms.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

So, What’s In This for Me? (Relationships with Men)

There’s one question that I believe all women of all ages need to ask themselves before they commit their time, heart, energy and body to a particular man:

“What’s in this for me?”

I think that the reason why a lot of women are unfulfilled in their relationships with men is that they don’t truly ask themselves this question before getting involved.

I was once in a glorified friends with benefits “relationship” in my twenties. Here is a short list of what I was doing for him:

– letting him borrow my car whenever he wanted (his was stolen and he used the money to put into his savings while putting wear and tear on my car)
– awesome sex (he was nearly 10 years older than me)
– supporting his dreams (he wanted to be a musician and an entrepreneur instead of pursuing his professional degree, and I supported him in that)
– acting like his unpaid secretary
– running errands for him
– paying my own way when we went out (which rarely happened) to be understanding of his financial situation
– listening to him go on and on about his dreams for hours

Now what was I getting?

– ummmmm, let me think about that some more…
– he was nice to look at, I guess?

Is it any wonder that when I finally did let him go, I barely cared. He wasn’t adding anything to my life.

No — it is not enough just to “have someone.” Ask a long time unhappily married woman or a woman stuck in a physically or mentally abusive relationship if that’s enough.

It’s Not Selfish, It’s Sensible
The kneejerk reaction that some men and eager-to-please women will have to a woman who has the “gaul” to ask the question “what’s in it for me?” is that she’s being selfish or thinking like a “whore.”

Whatever man. As a woman you deserve to get something meaningful out of every aspect of your life — including your relationship with a man. Be real with yourself about what it is that you REALLY want (some women fool themselves into thinking that sex is enough, but soon learn that it’s not).

We have different needs and desires than men do, and that’s okay. Get what you want.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem After a Break Up

The termination of a relationship — especially one that you thought would last forever — may leave you plagued with low self-esteem and unhappy thoughts. Here are a few ways to boost your self-esteem and ease the transition into single life.

Rid Your Personal Space of All Relationship Reminders

Whether you were in a long or short-term relationship, you probably have gifts, clothes, ticket stubs or other mementos that are a constant reminder of your ex. This also includes pictures, texts, contact numbers, emails and saved tweets on social media. Keeping these items will not help you move forward in life. Keeping these items will give you a continual reminder of the past relationship. For example, you may have a picture of a vacation that you and your boyfriend shared hanging up on your wall that you see every night before you go to sleep. Having that vacation picture around keeps the guy on your mind all night and into the morning. It can hinder you from moving forward and being open to a new and fresh relationship. Remove all of these objects from your personal space so that you can begin the journey of living in the here and now.

Do a Personal Make Over

The end of a relationship is a good time to reinvent yourself. You may have felt that you should look or be a certain way to “keep” that guy around. Now is the time to step “outside of the box” and do something different. For instance, you might want to change your hair color or drastically change your hairstyle. Treat yourself to a shopping trip to change up your wardrobe a bit.

You should also treat yourself to a spa day to help release all of the negative energy that you harbored while in the relationship. When you’re opening yourself to new things in your life (including a new boyfriend at some point), you want to exude positive energy. Negative energy will only bring more negativity in your life.

Change the Conversations You Have With Yourself

Everyone talks to themselves, whether it’s verbally or mentally. When you’re getting over a breakup and need a self-esteem boost, it’s important to take a close look at how you’re talking to yourself every day. If you wake up telling yourself “this is going to be a bad day” it will probably be a bad day just like you thought. On the other hand, if you wake up telling yourself “this will be a glorious day” then a glorious day will most likely be ahead of you. It’s all up to you.

Volunteer

Sometimes when you need help the best solution is to help others. Research organizations that are looking for volunteers to assist people who are in need of help — namely seniors and children. They can light up your life in a number of ways and give you a better perspective on life. Identify your special skills or interests and share them with others. For example, if you are a person that is athletically apt, volunteer at the YMCA. If you are more of the scholar type, you can volunteer as a tutor at a local community. Giving back to your community is an awesome way to stop thinking about your ex, fill up your schedule with activities and also make someone else feel good.

DANCE!

Spend some time putting an exciting and energetic playlist together, then get up and DANCE like no one’s watching. Dancing to your favorite music releases endorphins and dopamine (the feel good chemical). It helps improve your mood, gives you a better outlook and will help you forget about that guy ‘what’s his name.’ Just let loose and put your body in motion. When you’re with a friend, have a dance competition to see who does it best.

Breaking up is almost always challenging at first, but it becomes easier as time goes on until one day you can’t even remember why you liked that guy. Use these simple tips to boost your self-esteem to help speed things along.

 

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

“Lucky to be Here”… Is This Your Mentality When Dating Men? (VH1 Couples Therapy)

I caught a bit of an episode of Couples Therapy on VH1 and the therapist made a comment that I think a lot of heterosexual women can relate to when dating or in relationships. She brought up the fact that some women accommodate men, even when it isn’t reciprocated, because they have a “lucky to be here” mentality.

Lucky to be here. What does that mean?

It basically means that the woman thinks that the man is the prize to be won over, pleased, supported and accommodated.

The media, our families and our peers have conditioned us to desperately seek the love and attention of a man. We’re told that we have to go out there and find a man or else there’s something wrong with us.

Because of this coaxing and pressure, a lot of women have developed the mentality that they’re lucky to be in the presence of a guy, even when he’s farrrrr from a catch.

On the VH1 Couples Therapy show a woman hangs on by strings to a rapper. He has told her to her face multiple times that she is not really his girlfriend and that he has other women. She still clings to him like Saran Wrap on a counter top! It is clear that in this “relationship,” which could be called a friends with benefits, she honestly believes that he is the prize and that she is so lucky to be with him. So lucky to be with a man who berates her in front of other people on TV and won’t claim her as his girlfriend even on a show called “Couples Therapy.”

When a woman has this mentality about a man, she has pretty much relinquished all of her power in the relationship. He knows that he can do whatever he wants to her and she’ll just accept it. A good man would just leave her alone. A bad man will use her up first and them leave her alone, worse off than before. If she continues in this manner eventually he is going to drop her cold for someone else who has a much better self-image and she will be hurt, wondering what happened.

“But I was such a good woman to him!” is what a “lucky to be here” woman who gets dumped will usually say. Doesn’t matter.

Do you have a “lucky to be here” mentality when you find yourself involved with a new guy? If so, ask yourself this serious question: what is this person adding to your life that would make you so lucky to be with him other than his presence? Now compare that to the list of things that you as a woman are giving him.

Who’s really lucky to be in the relationship?

Think it over.
Love Lynn

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Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

By Yourself for the Holidays? That’s OK, Just Make Sure You’re in Good Company!

One of the most depressing times of year for single people is the holiday season. That includes pretty much all of December (Christmas, New Years, etc) and Valentine’s Day. When you’re by yourself, it seems as if everyone else around you has plans or is spending time with their “boos” except for you.

I can definitely relate. My best friend / former fiancé and I used to spend just about every Christmas and New Year’s Eve together. When he passed on, I realized that I really didn’t have anyone else in the world that I was connected to in that way.

So I spent most holidays in my bed. I mean just me and my cat watching Netflix eating potato chips and drinking wine in my bed. Mostly time spent feeling sorry for myself.

Today I have a much clearer mind. Today I say, if you’re spending the holidays by yourself, make sure that you’re in good company!

What I mean by that is that this is a perfect time to work on YOU and spend quality time with YOU. Now is a good time to follow more transformational blogs like this one, and download some motivational audiobooks to listen to when you’re feeling a little down. It’s like nourishment for the soul.

That’s what I did, and that’s why I’m now #LovingLife for the first time in a LONG time. Even if I do spend a holiday alone, I have a good time with myself. Me, myself and I get along just fine these days.

Side note: isn’t that the truth of why most people can’t stand to be alone? Because they don’t really like themselves yet. So let’s work on that this year.

Start with some audiobooks. They’re amazing! Audible has a free month trial for new members where you can download a book for free. After that you get 1 free credit per month and can purchase other books at a discount. Here are a few audiobooks to try when you need a boost:

Let Him Chase You (of course!)
– Rhonda Byrne’s The Power
– Lisa Nichols’ No Matter What
– James Allen books
– Napoleon Hill’s books on self improvement

I also highly recommend you get a little book entitled “If Life Is a Game These Are The Rules” by Cherie Carter-Scott.

Read the Signs — It’s All About Perspective
If you want something in life and you’re not getting it yet that’s a sign that there’s room for improvement. You should have everything that you want in your life, including a holiday companion if you so desire.

I know it’s hard during the holidays, but you have to look at this as an opportunity. This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself — it’s a time to learn and grow.

When you are in your right mind you can then set new goals so that next year you’ll be living your life to the fullest, no matter what!

Happy Holidays (for real this year)!
Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer, transformational blogger and author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU.

Promoting HIM But Not Your Own Dreams and Goals

Oftentimes I see women and girls on Twitter promoting a new male artist, friend or associate. It’s to the point where they tweet or post about the guy every day, encouraging people to check out his song, book or other project.

On the other hand, I very rarely see men promoting women who are artists, authors, movers and shakers.

Why do women have a tendency to be so supportive of their male counterparts even when they don’t get anything in return?

The answer is that a lot of women have an overwhelming need for acceptance by men (and other people period). We think that by promoting a guy he will come to love you or respect you more for it.

The truth is that most guys will do no such thing. They will use women as work horses to do their bidding, and if they do come up, those same women will be left behind in the dust. The most these women get in the end is a pat on the head and a “gee thanks.”

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t throw your support behind another person who you really believe in. But when you’re doing this day in and day out for a man who you are not even married to OR related to, I think you should be clear about WHY you’re doing it. If you’re married, his come up is your come up. If not, his come up is HIS come up — no matter what he says in the present day.

Time Is Invaluable – Use It Wisely
When a woman spends all of her time promoting a man, but doesn’t spend any time improving herself and promoting her own projects, she’s allowing invaluable time to tick by. Her goals and dreams are important too!

I once dated a guy who had the mentality that I was his main supporter, but didn’t care about my dreams. He didn’t even know what they were! It was almost as if he thought of me like his assistant or secretary — not a human being with goals of my own. I finally woke up and realized I was being used. I told him to stop calling me about his get rich quick schemes. Of course he didn’t like that… oh well!

Support should be reciprocal and balanced. Whenever it’s heavily one-sided it’s just not natural and someone is going to be left feeling hurt and used. Keep that in mind the next time you’re thinking about retweeting some guy’s project for the 10th time while neglecting your own personal goals, dreams and projects!

Love Lynn