Why Do I Keep Dating the Same Guy Over and Over Again?

A lot of women who find themselves in unsuccessful relationships want to know: “why do I keep dating the same guy over and over again?”

The easy answer is that you’re attracting the same guy with your energy, actions, beliefs and words. But I think it goes even deeper than this. Here’s one theory that many psychologists and relationship experts believe is the reason behind why women who have a hard time finding love keep choosing the same types of men over and over.

I believe this theory because I have personally experienced it.

The Dad Effect
It’s a proven fact (maybe not scientific but definitely experiential) that women often date men who are a lot like their fathers. This can be a good or a bad thing based on what a woman’s father was like.

Women who have dads who have serious problems (like alcoholism, drugs and abuse) or are absent often actively attract men who mimic those traits. They attract troubled and unavailable men.

The Cycle Begins
Then what happens is that the woman subconsciously tries to resolve her issues with her father (the first man in her life) with the men that she dates. She tries to “fix” him, mold him, make him love her or make him stay forever. She supports him and loves him in every way — even when it isn’t reciprocated.

When this woman is unsuccessful making a man love her and stay, which is almost always the case, she relives the devastation of losing or feeling unloved by her father and then repeats the process with another guy. The same type of guy as before. It happens over and over again.

It’s like a vicious cycle, but like any cycle, it can be broken. The first key to breaking this common pattern is to recognize that it’s a problem.

Tough Questions
Do you seem to attract the same type of guy over and over again? Guys that hurt you and leave you feeling empty or unfulfilled?

Do you think that it’s because you’re still trying to make a past relationship right?

If so, knowing this, what can you do to stop this pattern from repeating again? Here are a few tips:

Talk to someone.
Forgive.
Release the past so that you can move forward & date better.
Learn true love for self before you try to give your love to another.

Love Lynn

Lynn Gilliard is a writer and transformational blogger. She is the author of a popular relationship guide entitled Let Him Chase YOU and a self-help guide entitled Survive, Live or Thrive?

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New Book: Survive Live or Thrive? by L. Lynn Gilliard

New Book:

Survive, Live or Thrive?

by L. Lynn Gilliard

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

Simple Life Tips for Those Who Feel Stuck in a Rut

This is a guide for those who feel that they may be stuck in a rut in one or more areas of their life, including:

    – pursuing your dreams
– making good money
– dating and love relationships
– family relationships
– self-love

Though the book is specifically targeted for women who are experiencing challenges in their lives, the concepts apply to everyone. Fueled by the idea that life is meant to be easy and enjoyable, it is loaded with stories, blog posts from Lynn’s websites and other inspirations and thoughts to help propel you to the ultimate goal: THRIVING in every area of your life.

Amazon Paperback Now Available

Audio version – Coming soon

Are You Allowing Toxic Family Members to Take Up Space in Your Life?

I blog often about the transformation I made in my life. I experienced improvement in every area from fulfillment in my work to better relationships.

Now that my mind is clearer I’m coming to some harsh realizations. One thing I am learning is that just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean they have to be in your life.

This Thanksgiving holiday I witnessed some things about some of the people I am closely related to that has me seriously asking — do I really need to have someone in my life just because we’re related?

I don’t think so.

The behavior — selfishness, lack of consideration, lack of gratitude just to name a few — is certainly nothing new to me. But for some reason this particular holiday is the first time I am seriously considering that certain folks might be toxic in my life and not good for my personal growth. I felt some old feelings, thoughts and resentments come back that definitely don’t have any place in my new life!

Negative Energy Is Contagious
Do you have someone like this in your family? Someone who you feel forced to be around just because they are blood relations? Someone who lacks consideration for you and others? Someone who brings down your energy?

The energy that you have around you is important. Negative energy is highly contagious so you should make every effort to keep it away from you. If someone makes you feel upset, angry or disgusted every time you see them, maybe you shouldn’t be around that person at all — even if they’re related to you. Give them a chance to experience their own personal growth before allowing them back into your life. Nothing and no one should hold you back from growing.

As you make your own transformations in your life and in your relationships, I think it’s important to consider whether you are holding onto some people solely out of a sense of familial obligation and allowing them to infiltrate your life with negative energy.

It may be necessary to cut those “ties that bind” (at least temporarily) in order to allow better relationships and experiences into your world.

Love Lynn

“I Just Don’t Trust Other Women”: Why Are Some Women So Harsh on Each Other?

Why are some women so harsh with other women but give men a pass no matter how badly they’re treated?

I’ve noticed that some women are very harsh with each other, but don’t reserve the same passion and fervor for dealing with men who treat them badly.

questionheartWhy is this?

I guess it starts with the need to compete, which is taught to us as children — women who constantly feel threatened by other women instead of simply believing fully in their OWN woman power are more apt to “hate” on other women OR talk about other women as if they are the enemy.

Another reason: women who constantly complain about the behaviors, actions and intentions of other women may see something about THEMSELVES that they don’t like in that other woman, such as being overtly sexual, having a type A personality, being bitchy or making silly decisions about men.

Women together are powerful. Women separated are power-limited or powerless — especially when a man is involved. He gets all that precious power.

Think About It
The next time you catch yourself thinking, saying or doing something that is anti-your sister, reconsider. Switch over to a positive thought of her and release it all to God.

Remember: when you hate on or rebuke another woman you’re indirectly and unconsciously hating on or rebuking yourself!

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Do You Feel Worthless in Your Relationships?

By Lynn Gilliard

(Posted at DatingAdvice.com)

friends with benefits question

Dating and Relationship Questions

Since I was a child, I have struggled with feelings of not being worthy, not being enough and not really mattering.

It got to the point where I could not understand why I was even put on this earth.

I then went through a period after I flourished into a beautiful woman and started to get everything I wanted. I was accepted into a top college. I had plenty of boyfriends, a great job and a full social life.

Unfortunately, those old feelings did not go away.

They extended into my adulthood…

Read the rest of this post at DatingAdvice.com, a site for those who need advice on dating, reviews of online sites and more. Click here for the full post  >>
http://www.datingadvice.com/for-women/do-you-feel-worthless-in-your-relationship


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Not Giving Up Also Applies to Dating and Relationships

Listen2

One of my biggest inhibitors in life has been that I tend to give up on projects way too soon. In the past I frequently let any one setback distract me from my ultimate goal.

I tried to launch a small business when I was about 20 and it failed after many attempts to make it work. So after that, whenever a business idea of mine didn’t go right immediately I gave up.

Happy dating and relationships

Stay positive!

I only recently realized that I also did this often when it came to dating and relationships. If I had one bad experience with a guy, I would give up on dating completely for a long time.

The feelings of despair can be so overwhelming that you feel like you’re not meant for success. But that’s a lie we tell ourselves that’s based in fear.

Like moving forward with a new business idea, the right course of action if you want to eventually have a good relationship with a guy is to keep dating, keep experiencing, keep loving and keep having fun.

BUT the key is to use what you learned from the last failed experience to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

Again, just like with a business idea that goes wrong, you learn, adjust and make better decisions in the future.

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.

Break the Cycle for Better Love Relationships

Back when I was wound up, sad and depressed, my mind was a complete mess. I just couldn’t see a way out of my ongoing negative cycles. It was as if a cloud had settled over my brain. I continually made poor choices in men and my relations with them, never really considering that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.” I was perpetuating my own cycles. It wasn’t them — it was me. The problem was in the choices I was making.

Now that the storm clouds have moved on and I have finally broken that cycle, I am amazed at how much clearer things are to me. I can’t even understand what I ever saw in most of the guys I dated in the past. I simply wasn’t demanding the best for myself.

Desperation is an Ugly Emotion
The lack of clarity in the guys we sometimes choose to date is in part due to habit. But it’s also because of that ugly, ugly emotion: desperation.

Something inside nags at you, telling you this guy isn’t a good choice, but your desperation and fear of being alone causes you to wave it off…. “Just keep dating him and see where it goes…” Then the cycle begins again.

So we waste valuable hours, days and years of our lives focusing on guys who really aren’t worth the effort. Then when we eventually breakup or get dumped, depression settles in again, our self-esteem takes a hit and eventually you get with a guy who was just like the last one (or worse).

Breaking the Cycle
With my new clarity I value what’s good for ME over giving into my fears of being alone. I recognize the following:

– I have the power to attract a certain type of guy into my life.

– I am responsible for how I conduct my relationships with men.

– My personal well-being and sanity is more important than being in a relationship.

Are you still hung up over a breakup, caught up in the same bad cycle or feeling like your mind is clouded when it comes to relationships? Think about what you may have done wrong with each guy, such as having sex with him too soon or allowing him to walk all over you emotionally. What patterns can you identify that happened with each guy you dated? What was your role in it? Accept responsibility. Meditate on all of that.

To further break the cycle, mentally write down the qualities that you DO want in a man and from a relationship. For instance, “he values my womanhood, supports my dreams, is trustworthy and cares about my feelings.”

Keep these new affirmations in mind the next time you meet a new guy. Take note of any familiar patterns from the past.

This time break the cycle — LISTEN to your intuition.

Remember: “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result.”

Love Lynn


Lynn Gilliard is the author of the relationship guide Let Him Chase YOU (available soon) and the eBook Friends With Benefits SUCKS (At Least for Women). She is an in-demand writer and transformational blogger helping people get in touch with their inner greatness.